Tale of the Two Lovers
by Ulquiorra9000
Summary: Rukia is more than a little frustrated when Ichigo doesn't show any enthusiasm for their arranged marriage, so to express herself, Rukia turns to erotic fiction to say what she can't say face-to-face... and she gains a huge following in the process! Can she become a master storyteller and convince Ichigo to come around? M for some smutty stuff later on. Post-Wandenreich.
1. Chapter 1

**Tale of the Two Lovers**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 1**

"Whew. Finally..."

Lieutenant Rukia Kuchiki unsashed her white obi belt and tossed it aside in her private quarters in Squad 13's barracks late that evening, then shrugged off her black shihakusho robe. She set Sode no Shirayuki on its wall-mounted rack, wiped her brow, and checked her reflection in the round mirror over her sink. She definitely looked as tired as she felt; fighting hollows day in and out took its toll, and ever since the casualties from the Thousand-Year Blood War a few years back, there weren't enough Soul Reapers in uniform to fight every evil spirit out there.

All the same, Rukia would be damned if she made any excuses. She had a sworn duty to fulfill.

And a warm, soapy bath to take.

Just as she sank into her full bath, there was a knock on the door. "What?" Rukia snapped. "I just got back! Can't I have some time to myself?" She hugged her knees to her chest, her skin slick with sudsy water.

"Lieutenant," came the muffled voice of the fifth seat officer. "I have a message from the Kuchiki manor. I had to come here right away."

Rukia blinked and her guts churned. What the hell? Was there something wrong? Not at a time like this...!

"Wh... what is it?"

"It's a missive from Captaun Kuchiki," the fifth seat said. "He said that you're to join him and Lady Hisana for morning tea for a very important discussion."

"Oh yeah? To discuss what?"

The fifth seat paused for a second. "He didn't say."

All kinds of thoughts whirled in Rukia's mind until she shook her head, whipping her dark hair back and forth. _Relax. You'll find out tomorrow morning._ "I understand. Thanks for telling me."

"Of course, Lieutenant." There was the sound of the fifth seat's retreating footsteps.

Rukia let out a small sigh and lay against the back of her tub. She closed her eyes and tried to relax. But darn it, now she wsas curious and eager and a little anxious. What could her brother-in-law and big sister need at a time like this, when the Soul Society was still picking up the pieces? She hadn't even set foot in the Kuchiki manor in years! It was going to be a long night, wasn't it?

At least the bath was nice and hot.

*o*o*o*o*

"Rukia. I'm glad you could join us," Byakuya Kuchiki said politely the next morning, already seated with his wife at a low, square table in the manor's first-floor tea room. he wore formal, navy-blue robes today, and Hisana, a deep red set of robes. Neither of them had touched their tea yet, and there were enough tea mugs and plates of tea cakes for four people. Four?

"Good morning, Rukia," Hisana said brightly. "Did you sleep okay?"

"I guess. Good morning, big sister, big brother." Rukia did a proper bow, but felt herself trembling a bit. She sat opposite her sister on a cushion, hoping that her working-class pink robes and simple earrings were fancy enough for a place like this. She folded her hands in her lap to keep them occupied. "So, uh... did you both sleep well, too?" She made a nervous laugh as she mentally kicked herself. _Gee, great conversation starter!_

"We slept fine," Byakuya said. "Now, as soon as the fourth member of our party joins us, we may -"

"I'm here! I'm here," a young man's voice said breathlessly as the wooden door slammed open. "I swear I got here as fast as I could... Rukia?!"

Rukia turned around in shock, her violet eyes wide. "Ichigo?!"

The substitute Soul Reaper stood petrified in the doorway, wearing his usual black robes. "I... I..." Ichigo croaked. "All the Kuchikis are here... I'm not in trouble, am I?"

"Can't be," Rukia said. "Otherwise, you'd have Senbonzakura shoved down your throat by now... Sorry, brother," she added meekly.

Byakuya cleared his throat as Hisana giggled. "Please be at ease, Kurosaki. Join us. You are a guest here."

"R... right. You got it, sir," Ichigo said, sliding the door shut and sitting on the cushion next to Rukia. He shifted in place a few times. "Nice place you got here. Real nice. You oughta invite me here more often!"

 _Cut the small talk, carrort-top,_ Rukia thought. _Honestly..._

Byakuya finally took a sip of tea. "Have a drink. It's brewed from some of our finest tea leaves." He didn't say another word until Ichigo and Rukia tried some.

"Now..." Byakuya set his mug down and steeled his eyes. "I'm sure you are aware, young Kurosaki, that the Soul Society is still in disarray after the war with the Quincies. There are positions to fill in the Gotei 13, and there have been civilian deaths, too. But..." He glanced at his wife, and she smiled. "This can also be a happy time. For the future of the Kuchiki household, and as a show of friendship and goodwill, I hereby declare your engagement to my sister-in-law, Rukia Kuchiki."

Rukia stifled a gasp at the last second, her heart racing as she stared at her big brother. _What?! That's what this is about?_ She glanced at her longtime friend and, despite herself, she felt a smile tug at the corners of her lips. _Well, if it had to be anyone... it might as well be -_

"Me?" Ichigo cried, scooting back on his seat. "No way! I'm not even a nobleman, or a Soul Society native! What the hell?"

"Langauge!" Byakuya's eyes flashed. "This is a tremendous honor, Kurosaki, and you shouldn't be terribly surprised, either. Think about it: you're related to the Shiba noble family through your father, you are of marriagable age, and time and again, you have proven yourself an ally and guardian of the Soul Society and 13 Court Guard Squads. Believe me, my grandfather, wife and I have contemplated this for some time, and in light of recent events, it is only natural."

"We look forward to welcoming you to the family," Hisana said brightly. She took a tea cake and took a small bite. "And I personally think you're a wonderful match for my little sister! You're both so... well... lively together."

Ichigo made a funny face. "Yeah, when we argue to drive each other nuts. It's not easy being friends."

"Hold it right there, buster," Rukia said, pinching Ichigo's ear rather hard. "You don't think we didn't have some good times together? I liked living in your closet and meeting your sisters and your friends. And I had total faith in you when we infiltrated Hueco Mundo to rescue Orihime. None of that counts?"

"S-sorry," Ichigo said, wincing at the pain. "I didn't mean it like that. But, I mean... I'm gonna to graduate high school in a month. I have to look for colleges, and a job, and other human stuff. Y'know..."

"The Kuchiki family is wealthy. You know that," Byakuya said, taking another sip of tea. "We can provide for you."

"Yeah, well, last I checked, I can't spend magical Soul Society money back in the world of the living," Ichigo said with a teasing grin. "I'm 18, you know. I have to learn to support myself."

Hisana waggled a finger. "Don't be silly, Ichigo. You could easily split your time between your household duties here, and sometimes visiting your family back in the world of the living."

"Easy for you to say," Ichigo said. "This sounds like a crazy idea. I mean, me and Rukia?"

Rukia released Ichigo's ear and used the free hand to pout. "We've gone through so much together, Ichigo. Don't you trust me?"

"Uh, well..." Ichigo fiddled with his tea mug in his hands. He went red as he avoided Rukia's eyes. "I like you, Rukia. You're a great friend, and you helped me learn to fight, and we..." He swallowed. "But I dunno if I can do this."

"What if I said that _I_ think we can pull it off?" Rukia told him. She grabbed Ichigo's shoulders and turned him to face her. "This is news to me, too. But come on! You can face down Sosuke Aizen and Yhwach but you can't be with your best friend?"

"To be fair, Aizen didn't want to marry me," Ichigo said with a nervous chuckle.

"How strange that would be," Byakuya muttered to himself as he took another sip of tea.

Rukia made an aggravated noise. "You're not a scaredy-cat, are you?"

Ichigo stiffened. "No!"

"Then can't you give this idea a chance? Goodness knows _I'm_ trying," Rukia said. On impulse, she took Ichigo's hand in both of hers and squeezed. "Please? Think it over. Think about what I mean to you, and what you mean to me." She held her breath, waiting for his answer.

Ichigo looked away. "I-I need some fresh air. Thanks for the tea, Captain Kuchiki." He drew his hand from Rukia's and stalked out of the room. Rukia was pretty sure that he had just left the entire manor and took a senkaimon gate back to Karakura Town.

Hisana shrugged. "He'll come around."

"Will he?" Rukia snorted. "Sometimes he'll face a challenge like a man, and sometimes, he runs off like a dog with its tail between its legs. I just don't get him sometimes."

Hisana smiled. "Why, Rukia, you sound pretty eager to marry him after all!"

"I..." Rukia blinked and felt her face warm. "Well, you know how it is! I trained him to fight and be a Soul Reaper. What does it say about me if he's a coward or can't decide what he wants in life?"

Byakuya glanced at the door. "Sometimes I, too, have my doubts about that boy."

"Hey!" Hisana scowled at her husband. "You need to believe in them both. Aren't you the one who just announced their engagement?"

"Yes, of course," Byakuya said, clearing his throat. "I'm confident that Kurosaki will return, and be more receptive to the engagement. I apologize, Rukia, if that boy's behavior upset you."

Rukia glanced down at her lap. "You don't have to apologize for him. Thanks for the tea, brother. I have to get back to the barracks."

She got up and stepped out the same door Ichigo had used, and she closed it a bit harder than she meant.

*o*o*o*o*

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid Ichigo!"

Rukia paced around her office, steam shooting from her ears. What the hell! She was a _Kuchiki_ , a fantastic Soul Reaper, and overall one great catch! Ichigo should have kissed Byakuya's arse in thanks for this! What were the odds he'd find another girl like her? None! Zip!

"Oh, whatever..." Rukia ran a hand down her face and tried to convince herself that this was no big deal. But all she could imagine was Ichigo's uncomfortable expression and him stalking out the door and away from his new fiancee. Rukia's stomach bubbled in anger. Yes, this was pretty sudden for her, too, and she needed time to process it. But damn, Ichigo could stand to show a scrap of enthusiasm!

Maybe some paperwork would take her mind off things? Rukia sat at her desk and started filling out some reports.

Tedious... so tedious... Rukia yawned in the morning sunlight as she finished another form. This wasn't how her morning was supposed to go. How could a young man engaged to a Kuchiki princess do that? How could a _friend_ turn away from her like that? A comrade in arms? Rukia and Ichigo were all kinds of things together... but not very good fiancees yet.

Not exactly a classic lovers' story.

Rukia blinked. What if they _were_ in a story, though? Rukia had heard all kinds of tales growing up in the Rukongai, and read classic literature during her days at the Academy. All sorts of heroes and wandering rogues and princesses and heart-wrenching dilemmas... even Renji and Izuru and Momo had been fascinated by them, even though Renji wouldn't admit it now. Epic tales of adventure and romance and destiny in worlds near and far...

Before she knew it, Rukia seized a blank sheet of paper, held her pen tight, and wrote:

 _There was once a wandering hero named Kuzo, who had a soul of gold and steel. Across the land he traveled, and at the tip of his black sword, demons and evil spirits fell, and the legend of his name grew. But his heart was empty, and not all the grateful villagers in the world could keep him happy._

 _Until one day, he slew a great spider demon that had trapped a wealthy lord's castle within its web, and in those bejeweled halls, the lord presented his daughter Raiko, and in her eyes, Kuzo saw -_

"Wait a minute." Rukia stopped, a self-depreciating smile on her face. What was she doing? She was still behind on paperwork! But... what would happen if a wandering hero found the maiden of his dreams? She lowered her pen to paper again...

 _In her eyes, Kuzo saw something tantalizing, something foreign to him. The maiden Raiko wasn't just a grateful rescuee, but the temptation to indulge Kuzo's long-hidden desires, to fill the missing pieces in his soul. While the castle's people celebrated the hero's triumph, Kuzo wrapped himself 'round the maiden Raiko, his armor, then his robes falling to the floor. He declothed the fair maiden and pressed her 'gainst the wall, her flesh warm against his, her voice whispering to his ear, "Have me."_

No, this was silly, and Rukia should stop... but heck, why not keep going? It was only a story! No harm done...

 _The hero Kuzo lay the princess Raiko 'cross her bed, his gentle breath tickling her neck, whispering of his past heroic deeds. "Speak not of the past," Raiko moaned. "Lose yourself in what is now."_

Rukia made an embarrassed grin. This was actually kind of fun! She had to write more...

 _Kuzo knew then that this is what he had really sought, and as the party continued in the lord's main hall, Kuzo and Raiko dampened the bedsheets with lovers' sweat, their bodies twisting together, the maiden's breasts firm in the hero's hands, her hero's sculpted chest pressed 'gainst the maiden's chest as they consumated -_

There was a knock on the door. "Lieutenant? Hello?"

Rukia yelped and scrambled to cover the story's paper with her reports. "C-come in!"

Kiyone Kotetsu slid open the door. She blinked. "Are you okay, Lieutenant? You look like you just ran a mile!"

Rukia was suddenly aware she was panting for breath, her face a little damp with sweat, her face warm. She shook her head. "N-no, I'm fine. What's the matter?"

"Captain-General Kyoraku called another meeting," Kiyone told her. "For all the high-ranking officers. You're supposed to report to Squad 1's barracks in ten minutes."

"I see. Thank you," Rukia said, willing her heart to slow down. "I just have to... finish a bit of paperwork, that's all."

"Okay. See you later." Kiyone gently shut the door.

Rukia sighed and held up the half-finished story. _What the hell am I doing? This is ridiculous..._ She moved to throw it away, but stopped. Why _was_ she doing this? That stupid, ungrateful carrot-top wasn't worth it... but then again, maybe he just needed time to come around, and Rukia needed time to sort out her feelings... And putting her thoughts down on paper felt pretty good, kind of like a journal entry. A naughty one!

 _Meeting first,_ Rukia thought, folding up the paper and putting it into her pocket. _Then I'll see if I can get myself an editor and write a better version. Something more personal, something more true to myself, I guess._

She thought of just the right person for the job.


	2. Chapter 2

**Tale of the Two Lovers**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 2**

Later that afternoon, Rukia came face-to-face with Captain Hirako's bored, vaguely annoyed face when he opened Squad 5's barracks' front door. "Yeah? Oh. Hey, Rukia," he said. "What's up?"

Rukia made a polite smile. "Good afternoon, Captain. May I see your lieutenant?"

"Hmmmm? Okay, sure. Come in." Shinji stepped back and led Rukia through the barracks. "So what brings you?" he asked. He shoved his hands into his pockets as he shuffled along.

"I have a little, uh... art project I'm working on," Rukia said craftily. "I hoped Momo could help."

"Oh, right. Artsy stuff. Funny you mention that, 'cause she's in the back garden sketching squirrels," Shinji said. "That's cool with me, though. Sure beats having Mashiro as your lieutenant! I don't envy Squad 3." He snorted with amusement.

Shinji slid open the back door. "Here. Stay as long as you like. I've got some new vinyl records to listen to, anyway. See ya around." He shuffled off toward his office.

 _What a Captain,_ Rukia thought with a small grin. She stepped into the lovely garden.

"Oh! Hi, Rukia!" Momo, who sat on a wooden bench under a weeping willow, waved. A sketchbook was balanced on her lap.

"Hi, Momo." Rukia sat next to her friend and breathed in the sweet garden scents. "Do you have some free time? I've got a project in the works, and I hoped to have professional eyes on it."

"You flatter me." Momo beamed and scuffed the ground with her feet. "So, what are you working on? If it's nature sketches, I can show you a few tips from my latest works..." She held up the sketchbook, and sure enough, there was a big fat squirrel drawn right there.

"Well... it's more in the literature department," Rukia explained. She dug into her robes and got out her short story. "Nice sketch, by the way."

"Thanks. So, let's see what you've got..." Momo accepted the story from Rukia and read it at lightning speed.

Rukia fidgeted. "So? What do you think?"

Momo lowered the paper, a dismayed look on her face. "Rukia, this isn't any good."

Whoops.

"But..." Rukia spluttered. "I worked hard on that last night!"

Momo gave her a knowing look, the kind only an artist could give. Whoa, that was intense...

Rukia lowered her shoulders. "Okay, maybe not _that_ hard. But seriously, what's wrong with it?"

"This feels more like brainstorming," Momo said, tapping the paper with a finger. "The narrative isn't compelling, and the two characters are thinly realized. That, and the prose is clunky and amateurish."

Rukia hung her head. "Oh. Uh... should I give up?"

"No, not at all!" Momo gasped. "I didn't mean it like that. Don't get discouraged, Rukia. I mean, this is probably your first foray into fiction, right?"

"Right."

Momo set down the paper and held Rukia's shoulders, her eyes burning with passion. "Then no matter what, I'll make a fantastic author out of you. You can do it! What do you say?"

Rukia hesitated for a second, then nodded. "Yeah. Let's do it!"

"Then let's get started." Momo cleared her throat and held up the story again. "What inspired you to write?"

"Well, I was doing my paperwork, and I decided to have a little fun."

Momo stared at her. "Don't tell me that's it?"

"Huh?"

Momo held a hand over her heart and sighed. "You need passion! Inspiration! A new lens through which to see the world, and a stunning narrative to weave! Getting bored of paperwork isn't why the literary masters became what they are. Well, maybe there was _one_ , but..."

Rukia clenched her hands into fists on her lap. She stared down at them. "Well, there's another reason I thought of that story... promise me you won't tell anyone else about this..."

Momo nodded. "Go ahead."

"I'm engaged to Ichigo," Rukia explained in a rush, her face warming. "My big brother announced it last night. It's official."

Momo clapped her hands over her mouth. "I can't believe it! Congratulations! You must be so happy."

"It's kind of scary," Rukia admitted, "and it's a lot to process... but once I got over the initial shock, I realized something... that it could only be Ichigo. Byakuya was right."

Momo's face fell. "But what's wrong?"

"What's wrong is that stupid carrot-top is avoiding me!" Rukia exploded, chest heaving. "He won't even give it a chance! Or _me_ a chance! And after all we've done for each other? The nerve!"

Momo patted Rukia's back. "I'm sure he'll come around. Like you said, it _was_ a big shock..."

"But he could stand to show at least a little happiness," Rukia argued. "Right? I'm his best friend! But no, he goes crawling back to the human world like a scaredy-cat."

Momo rubbed her chin, studying her friend. "Hmmmmm... interesting."

Rukia jolted. "What is?"

"You have a lot of unprocessed and unexpressed feelings and desires," Momo said. "Yes, indeed! You're frustrated not only at Ichigo, but yourself. I'm thinking that you need this story so you can sort yourself out, and figure out what this engagement, and Ichigo, really mean to you."

"Whoa." Rukia stared. "You're like a psychic!"

"It was obvious enough from this story, even if it's badly done," Momo said with a teasing smile, indicating the paper. "Rukia, it's official: I _must_ help you out. Together, we can make something wonderful."

"So, you'll be my editor?" Rukia shifted bashfully on the bench.

"Editor, sounding board, coach, friend, everything you need," Momo said, saluting.

"Then let's do it!"

"Perfect." Momo handed over the story's paper. "First, scrap this. It's quite awful."

Rukia went red. "I'm already regretting this."

"Come on..."

"All right." Rukia crumpled up the paper and tossed it into the garden's small pond. The rice paper turned into a soggy bit of pulp and vanished. Rukia sighed and sat back on the bench. "Okay, I'm starting over from square one."

"Exactly." Momo shifted in her seat to face Rukia, her eyes eager, her hands clasped under her chin. "Now, think about how you first met Ichigo, what your relationship to him has become, and everything in between. Can you do that?"

"Hey, that's an awful lot, Momo."

Momo waved a finger. "I'm your editor and coach. I need you to dig deep."

Rukia tucked up her legs and hugged them close. "But that's so much _work_ , and I don't know where to start..."

"Do it!" Momo barked.

Rukia yelped. "Yes, ma'am!" She scowled. "Hey, don't do that!"

Momo giggled. "A little tough love comes with every editor, Rukia. If you want to make great fiction from the heart, you need to get pounded into shape like hot iron."

Rukia glanced up. "How much of this is going to be fiction, and how much will be autobiography? I'm getting a little confused here..."

"That's up to you, the author," Momo said. "What do _you_ think you should do? How should this be expressed?"

Rukia stared at the pond's calm surface. "Well..."

"Yes?"

"My sister and brother-in-law are there for me, and I love my job," Rukia said slowly. "But Hisana and I grew up poor. There's some things I don't want to think about."

"And some you do, right?"

Rukia grinned. "Yeah."

"I suggest epic poetry," Momo said, her eyes bright as she pounded a fist on her open palm. "Yes... it's perfect! I can show you the proper techniques, and give you some study material. In no time, you'll weave your own narrative like a master!"

Rukia sat up. "Are you for real?"

"I'm for real that I'm for real." Momo beamed. "Whatever you're feeling inside, Rukia, you can spin it into a fine tapestry of the written word to inspire the masses!"

"Whoa, there." Rukia held out an open hand. "You're setting a pretty high bar."

"Because I know you can do it," Momo said sternly. "You get me? _You can do it._ Don't you dare back down!"

"Y-yes, ma'am!"

Rukia winced. She did it again! How did Momo have that effect on her?

Momo tore out a page from her sketchbook and handed it over, along with her pencil. "Here. Let's start brainstorming. Write down whatever comes to your mind as we talk things over."

Rukia accepted the supplies. "Okay."

"Now, when you see Ichigo, his face, his hair, or hear his voice, what do you feel?' Momo asked. She snapped her fingers. "Quick! Write it!"

"Yes, ma'am." Rukia pictured herself meeting her orange-haired fiancee and wrote down a few things without even realizing it.

"And when you hear his name, what do you think?"

Rukia wrote down something else.

"What about when you think back on his heroic deeds, or that time on Sogyoku Hill, or when he saved the Soul Society from the Quincies?"

More ideas.

"Or..." Momo made a sly smile. "What about when you think of him as your _fiance_ , your one and only, the man you'll share your household and your very soul with?"

Bits of ink went everywhere as Rukia wrote at top speed. She felt her face warming again, her heart beating excitedly. Momo was right... this _did_ feel good! All these pent-up thoughts... they poured out just like that.

Momo motioned. "Okay, let's see what you've got." She accepted the paper and read Rukia's brainstorming.

"Is it any good?" Rukia asked cautiously.

Momo went red and her hands trembled. "Rukia, th-this... this is...!"

"What?" Rukia eagerly leaned forward to hear Momo's answer.

An embarrassed but cunning smile spread across Momo's face.

*o*o*o*o*

Byakuya, snugly encased in a gigai and with Hisana by his side, stood on the Kurosaki Clinic's porch and knocked sharply three times.

The door swung open at once, and Issin Kurosaki's jovial frame filled the doorway. "Welcome to the clinic!" he cried, throwing his arms wide. "I can offer - what the...? Byakuya Kuchiki? Huh? What?"

"Good afternoon," Byakuya said, determined to inject a note of formality into the scene. "May I introduce my wife, Hisana Kuchiki? I don't believe you two have met."

"Nuh-uh. Nice to meet you!" Isshin actually held Hisana's hand and kissed it. "Welcome to Karakura Town."

Hisana giggled as Byakuya scowled. "What a kind fellow. So welcoming," she commented.

"Yes. Indeed," Byakuya said, mentally sighing. "May we come in, Mr. Kurosaki? We have something to discuss."

"Yeah! Make yourselves at home! I'll get beer." Isshin stepped back and let the Kuchikis into the living room, and he scampered to the fridge, returning with three beer cans. "Fancy a drink?"

Byakuya opened his mouth to say no, but the cool can was already forced into his hands. _Humans..._

"Anyway." Byakuya cleared his throat and took a seat at the kitchen table, Hisana next to him. "Isshin, in case your son did not tell you, he is now engaged to my sister-in-law, Rukia. I'm sure you remember her?"

Isshin's jaw dropped, his beer forgotten. "I-I don't believe it! The third daughter, engaged to my boy? I mean, whoa!"

Byakuya raised his eyebrows. " _Your_ daughter?"

"Sorry, sorry. I should explain." Isshin waved a hand, growing misty-eyed. "For a while, Rukia stayed with us. What a sweetheart! Staying in Ichigo's closet and having the time of her life at school and hanging out with my family..."

Hisana giggled again behind her hand. "She really does sound like your unofficial daughter. I'm glad you got along with her so well. She can be... challenging for people who aren't ready for her."

"Yes," Byakuya said with forced patience. "But the point is: you needed to know, Isshin. Now, the engagement itself may last for some time. Of course, you are welcome to the Soul Society for the ceremony when the time comes. You can also use this time to make any appropriate preparations with your son."

"Hmmmmmm." Isshin glanced up and rubbed his bearded chin. "This is a lot to process, y'know. I mean, my boy is still in his senior year at the high school. And he's still neck-deep in college scouting! He's behind enough as it is... and now this?"

Byakuya stiffened. "You object? Marrying into the Kuchiki household is no small thing, in case I need to remind you."

Isshin sank onto the chair opposite Byakuya, leaning on his elbows, chin nestled in his hands. "Look, you all are some nice folks. Especially you, lady Hisana..." He winked at her, and Hisana chuckled. Byakuya narrowed his eyes dangerously.

"But about my son," Isshin added hastily, "I ain't sure he's even ready for this! He's never had a serious girlfriend before, no matter how much Yuzu and I tease him. Heck, I dunno if he's even emotionally mature enough!"

"I personally gauged him to be worthy," Byakuya said in chilly tones.

Fortunately, even an ape like Isshin was quick to get the implications. "Okay, so you see something in him," Isshin added, going pink in the face. "Didn't mean to offend, my dear sir. But all the same... whew, what a shock! Ichigo hasn't said a word, and believe me, even though he's usually sullen, this silence feels a litle... different than usual. I don't think he believes he's prepared for this, even if you do. Again, no offense intended."

Byakuya leaned back in his seat and sighed through his nose. This was like trying to cut leather with a butter knife. "The laws and customs of the Kuchiki noble house are absolute," he said. "And the head of the family is entrusted with the family's fortune and image. My word has considerable gravity to it."

"I know my sister," Hisana added earnestly. "I've never seen her happier than when she's with your son. And she talks about him all the time!" She smiled. "I know that look in her eyes. He means everything to her."

"Well, I'll be darned. My boy really is a lady's man," Isshin said, cracking a wide grin that was by no means returned. His face fell. "It may be too soon to force this, fellas. Ichigo needs his space. Trust me. I'm his pop."

Byakuya stood. "Then I will speak with your son myself. Where is he at this time of day?"

"At school," Isshin said off-handedly. Then he bolted to his feet in alarm. "Wait! Don't tell me you're gonna...?"

"A quick word with young mister Kurosaki should do some good," Byakuya said. "It shouldn't take long."

Isshin went pale. "H-hey! You'll give poor Ichigo a heart attack if you barge into his classroom like that."

"I do not _barge in_ ," Byakuya said peevishly. "I only need a little chat -"

"Honey." Hisana held her husband's arm. "I think Isshin's right; Ichigo needs more time. He'll come around. I'm sure of it."

"I... all right," Byakuya said. "Very well; we will take our leave, then, and I trust you, Isshin, to handle Ichigo properly."

"He's not a dog," Isshin retorted. Then he grinned. "But you're pretty close."

"I may be back next week, if necessary," Byakuya said as though there were no interruption. "I look forward to hearing about your son's enthusiasm for the engagement. Good day to you."

Byakuya led the way to the front lawn, and when he was so that no humans were looking, he opened a senkaimon gate, and both Kuchikis stepped in.

"I have to admit, dear husband, you may have been a little tactless back there," Hisana said with a teasing smile as they stepped onto the Kuchiki manor's front grounds.

"Was I, now?"

"Just a little. You need to put more faith in my sister and her fiance." Hisana took Byakuya's hand and led him inside. "Now get your butt inside, buster..."

This certainly wasn't over.


	3. Chapter 3

**Tale of the Two Lovers**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 3**

Normally, patrolling the grounds of the Seireitei was some pretty tedious work. But today, Rukia hummed to herself as she leaped from rooftop to rooftop, her mind buzzing with ideas. She landed on a tree branch and crouched, watching people pass by underneath. Hmmmmm...

Momo's advice about creative writing stuck in Rukia's mind. Create compelling characters! Touch the heart of your readers, and express yourself truly. But how to do that? Writing about herself and Ichigo in a story... where did she even start? Ichigo... he meant so many things to so many people, and now, the carrot-top was Rukia's fiance, her future. And she was his. How did you write about _that_?

Rukia shook her head, half frustrated, half amused. It was easier to think of the simpler things in life, like a home-cooked meal, being with your friends, meeting someone new, watching sunsets... sentimental things like that. Ichigo was hardly ever sentimental, though. He was almost alien to her, even after all this time, being from the _human_ world, with _human_ thoughts and going to _human_ high school...

Rukia gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth. _That's it!_

"Momo! MOMO!" Rukia flash-stepped across the Seireitei toward Squad 5's general patrol area, and she didn't stop until she landed right in front of Momo Hinamori. Rukia panted for breath, pointing at her editor. "Come with me!"

Momo blinked. "Rukia? What..."

"Now! C'mon!" Rukia grabbed the collar of Momo's robes, and both girls flash-stepped to Squad 13's barracks and into Rukia's office. Rukia firmly shut and locked the door.

Momo wiped her brow and smiled. "Oh, I think I know what this is about. Did your muse visit you?"

"Yeah. She sure did," Rukia said distractedly, rifling through all her stuff. There had to be... yes! A fresh sheet of paper and a pen full of ink. Rukia sat at her desk, shoved everything off with a sweep of her arm, and got to work. She wrote bold characters at the paper's top and underlined them.

Momo peeked over Rukia's shoulder with her arms folded, a curious look on her face. "Is that the title? _Tale of the Two Lovers?_ "

"Yeah," Rukia said vaguely, already madly writing a column of characters on the right side of the page. "Here goes nothing..."

 _In the kingdom of rabbits lived the warrior-princess Raiko,_

 _A noble lady of raven hair and deep eyes and cherry-red lips,_

 _Her rabbit vassal Chappy beside her, guardian of her will._

 _From across the distant misty mountains emerged a wanderer,_

 _The man Kuzo, with wild hair, his robes purple and yellow,_

 _A black sword in his hands, his past unknown._

 _Kuzo spoke: "Where can I find the best sword master in this kingdom?"_

 _Raiko stepped forth, discarding her kimono of pink and white,_

 _Leaving her form-fitting black uniform, showing a warrior-princess's_

 _Body of muscle and grace, a stunning queen of the sword._

 _The princess Raiko spoke: "I shall be your opponent, and_

 _Should I best you, I shall have you in my court, mind and body."_

 _"And should I win," the foreigner Kuzo spoke, "I shall have you,_

 _Mind and body, fair maiden, and I may find joy in your company,_

 _And behind closed doors, I shall discover what the maidens of this land_

 _Can truly be, when intimate with a man such as I."_

 _The princess Raiko_

"Whoa, whoa!" Momo crossed her arms in an X. "Just where are you going with this, Rukia?"

Rukia smiled, her pen poised over the paper. "I'm just doing what you told me, Momo. You wanted me to dig deeper into my mind and my thoughts, and what I _feel_. Nothing is too minor."

Momo went pink. "Oh, I think I know what's coming next..."

"Darn right." Rukia kept writing.

 _The princess Raiko, true to her word, crossed katanas with the stranger_

 _And in so doing, sheared his robes, leaving the scraps upon the grass_

 _And she and the onlookers witnessed what a ravishing stallion of a man_

 _Had crossed their borders._

 _"You have your victory," spoke Kuzo the wanderer. "What will you_

 _Have of me, dear maiden?"_

 _And he had his answer, later in the Rabbit Castle's deepest bedchambers_

 _As Raiko the princess discarded her sweat-stained clothes_

 _And ran her hands down her fair, smooth flesh._

 _"If you would have me, dearest wanderer," spoke the princess,_

 _"Perhaps we can tussle again, and here, we will need only_

 _Your sword, and I shall provide the sheath."_

"Oh, no way!" Momo squealed, clutching her face with her hands, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. "Write more! Write more, Rukia!"

Rukia nearly poked a hole in the paper in her haste to write more.

 _Once again the princess Raiko did a dance of two bodies_

 _With the wanderer Kuzo, her bed frame creaking with exertion,_

 _The sheets twisted and stain'd with the fiery passion._

 _"Are all the maidens of the Rabbit Kingdom thus?" inquired the wanderer._

 _"No, but I, as princess, must give a proper welcome,"_

 _Spoke the princess Raiko. "No visitor has proven himself worthy_

 _Of such a warm welcome, and my bed has been so cold as of late,_

 _My body untried, untested, until this day."_

 _Had she waited her whole life for the wanderer Kuzo?_

 _This succulent being from a faraway land of metal and glass_

 _Proved himself a master of the sword on the field of battle_

 _And between the sheets of the castle's opulent bedchambers._

 _"I can imagine no other," Kuzo exclaimed in the throes of passion,_

 _"No other maiden who can satisfy me so, and make me so whole."_

 _"Stay awhile, if you will," the princess told him, "so you may_

 _Prove your worth to my brother-in-law, the lord of this land,_

 _For his heart is like stone."_

 _The wanderer Kuzo agreed, and henceforth, he was no wanderer,_

 _But as the new hero of the Rabbit Kingdom,_

 _And as the companion of the bedchamber the princess_

 _So craved..._

Momo seized the paper and read it again, an embarrassed but delighted smile on her face. "R-Rukia," she croaked, "this is a wonderful first installment! I think that epic poetry really suits you."

"It does?" Rukia asked with false modesty, fanning herself. "A girl's got to try..."

Momo folded the paper in half, then half again. "We should take this straight to Squad 9! It'll make the perfect pitch to get _Tale of the Two Lovers_ serialized in the Seireitei Bulletin!"

Giddy with excitement, Rukia followed Momo to Squad 9's barracks, her patrol totally forgotten. Heck, she wouldn't mind getting a reprimand later. Totally worth it!

Just as Momo reached for the barracks door -

"Wait a minute! Shouldn't you both be on patrol?"

Nanao Ise confronted them, adjusting her glasses and scowling at the two girls. Momo made a nervous giggle and lowered her arm.

"We were taking a short break," Momo said, "because -"

"May I see that?" Nanao swiped the folded-up paper and read it quickly, her eyes narrowed. Then she went red and returned it with a trembling hand. She held her other hand over her heart. "M-Momo, what is...?"

"It's mine," Rukia explained. "I-I'm experimenting on self-expression with literature, but if you don't like it, I understand -"

"No, no!" Nanao chuckled and waved a hand. "I mean, your technique may need some work, but..."

 _Could it be?_ Rukia gasped. "You like _Tale of the Two Lovers_?!"

"This is a breath of fresh air, to be honest," Nanao said, her voice rising with excitement. She beamed. "This could be really popular with readers! I help out Lieutenant Hisagi more than he'll admit with the Bulletin... I'll vouch for your material, Rukia, and make sure that Hisagi accepts your pitch. You can count on me!"

Momo patted Rukia's back. "Well, there you go, Rukia!"

Rukia looked down at her story again and cracked a wicked grin. Shuhei was gonna accept this... or else!

*o*o*o*o*

 _Oh, great. This is like a cliche in some story..._

Ichigo snorted with amusement when his math teacher announced the arrival of a transfer student. And just two months before graduation? This new boy or girl had some pretty wacky timing...

"Class," Ms. Misato said, "please greet, uh..." She squinted at the paper in her hands. "Renji Abarai."

Ichigo threw up his hands in defeat when a familiar red-headed guy slouched into the room, already wearing the school uniform.

"Yo, everyone," he said. "I'm Renji. Nice to meet you."

Uryu glanced at Ichigo for an explanation, but Ichigo hastily looked away. This was already getting weird, and matters got worse when Renji took the empty desk to Ichigo's left.

"How you doin', Ichigo?" Renji muttered as Ms. Misato resumed the lecture. He leaned on his elbows on his desk. "Look, I gotta talk to you..."

Ichigo stared at the chalkboard and waved a hand. "We're not supposed to talk during class."

"But -"

"Can it, Lieutenant."

Renji scowled but fell quiet.

Mercifully, Ichigo didn't see gigai-Renji for the rest of his classes, and he occupied himself with soccer practice for an hour and a half after class. The sun was setting when Ichigo gathered all his stuff, slung his school bag over his shoulder, and trotted down the sidewalk to the Kurosaki Clinic.

That was when Ichigo saw Renji lounging by a lamppost, and the red-head jogged to catch up. "Hey," Renji started.

Ichigo made a face. "Did you wait for me the whole time?"

"Yeah. That soccer sport of yours takes forever," Renji complained. "I don't get humans."

"I get the feeling you didn't come all the way here just to learn algebra..."

"No. It's about Rukia." Renji got serious. "Ichigo -"

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Ichigo sped up, but Renji kept pace on those long legs of his.

"The Captain sent me," Renji explained. "Well... more like he offered this mission, and I volunteered, you see. I'm doing this for your sake, and Rukia's."

Ichigo grunted. "Doing _what_?"

"Setting you straight, man." Renji elbowed his friend. "C'mon, don't you realize what an honor it is, getting to marry into the Kuchiki family? Are you really that big an ingrate? I expected more from you, Ichigo."

"Hey, I'm not looking for your approval," Ichigo said calmly. "Seriously, don't worry about it. Chill."

"But Captain Kuchiki _is_ worrying about it," Renji insisted as they waited at a traffic intersection. "Him, Hisana, the old man Ginrei... you gotta get back to the Soul Society and take a more active role in your engagement. Like, now."

Ichigo grabbed at the air above Renji as though to hold a thin object.

Renji batted away Ichigo's arm. "What are you doing?!"

"Funny. You're clearly Byakuya's puppet, but I can't feel the strings," Ichigo said with a grin as the boys crossed the street. "Where are they?"

"Not funny, carrot-top," Renji snapped. "Man, you're as big a pain as ever. What does the Captain see in you?"

"Did Rukia send you too?" Ichigo asked. "Are you her spy?"

Renji's face fell. "No, but if she saw how stubborn you're being... I really think she'd be upset, Ichigo. She's your best friend. And mine. What's the matter with you?"

Ichigo sighed. "Nothing's wrong with me. How'd you like it if something this huge was dumped in your lap? I mean, a noble family in the Soul Society? I have a life _here_ , too, you know. And a family. What am I supposed to do, give all this up?" Ichigo swept an arm around the scene.

Renji hesitated for a second. "Well..."

"Renji, I shouldn't have to say it, but Rukia _does_ mean a lot to me. I owe her," Ichigo said, growing warm in the face. He thought of her jovial face, and his heart started to race. "She's an amazing girl, and I don't ever wanna lose her."

"Exactly," Renji said earnestly. "You're right for her, man. She's so excited about your engagement, and here you are, goofing off in the world of the living -"

"I'm not goofing off. It's high school, and my dad expects me to graduate."

Renji blinked at Ichigo's defensive tone. "Okay, point taken. Just... think it over, will you? See it from Rukia and Byakuya's perspective."

The Kurosaki Clinic drew near, and Ichigo sighed through his nose. "I'll... see what I can do," he said evasively. "Just don't go and tell Rukia that I'm trying to sabotage our engagement or our friendship. I'd never do that to her."

"Sure, sure." Renji summoned a senkaimon gate. "See you later." He stepped through.

Ichigo, meanwhile, finally relaxed in the comfort of his own home. It was quiet at this time of day, as gold-orange sunlight glowed through the windows. Come to think of it, Rukia _did_ used to liven this place up...

*o*o*o*o*

"Sorry, Rukia, but it didn't really work," Renji said. He hung out in Squad 13's barracks in his regular Soul Reaper body, arms folded over his black-robed chest.

Rukia sighed. "Why is Ichigo such a stubborn dolt sometimes? I just don't get humans sometimes."

"Yeah, we and him are totally from different worlds," Renji commented. "Such is life."

Rukia brightened. "Speaking of which... that was actually a source of inspiration. Look at this!"

She ran off, and returned with tomorrow's edition of the Seireitei Bulletin. Renji took it, and scanned the newest story in it. "What the... you got published?!"

"Yeah!" Rukia beamed, hands clasped bashfully behind her back. "Momo and Nanao and I got Shuhei Hisagi to accept it for serialization, starting tomorrow! What do you think?"

Renji felt himself go as red as his hair. "It's, uh... pretty graphic!" He tried not to imagine what kind of erotic things that must have inspired this...

"Look, let the girls and I take care of the Kurosakis," Rukia declared, taking the newspaper back. She winked. "It's our turn, okay?"

Renji stared. "What does _that_ mean?"

Rukia walked past him and gave him a playful punch on the shoulder on the way. "Stick around in Karakura Town, and you'll see!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Tale of the Two Lovers**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 4**

Ichigo was already winding down for the night, relaxed at his desk as he re-read the latest chapter of his history textbook. The house was finally quiet after Karin and Isshin's earlier bantering and Yuzu fussing at them to hush, and crickets were chirping outside. There was class tomorrow on Monday morning; Ichigo had to be ready. If Isshin was going to grill him to graduate with top grades, he might as well pass with flying colors.

The doorbell rang, and Ichigo nearly jumped out of his skin. He nearly dropped his book and cursed. _Who the hell?_

"Coming!" came Yuzu's distant voice, and Ichigo heard the front door open, and Yuzu gasped. "Oh my gosh! Long time to see, Rukia!"

Ichigo felt himself blush. _No way... she's here?!_ He sprang to his feet, rushed down the stairs, and found Yuzu and Rukia bowing to each other at the front doorstep.

"Hey. Didn't know you were in town," Ichigo said off-handedly, scratching the back of his head.

Rukia, in her gigai body, stepped inside and slipped off her shoes as she smiled. "You know me. I'm impossible to get rid of."

"Yeah, no kidding."

"BIg brother! Be nice," Yuzu told him. She shut the door. "We have a guest! Rukia, can I get you anything? Tea, and tea cakes?"

"Well -" Rukia started.

"How about a big hug?" Isshin cried, and he wrapped Rukia in his beefy arms. "My third daughter is finally back! The clinic just isn't the same without you!"

Rukia managed to hug him back with her shorter arms. "N-nice to see you too, Mr. Kurosaki."

"Please. It's Isshin to you," Isshin insisted, letting her go. He jumped up and down, beaming. "I'm just so glad to have you back! That brat Ichigo hardly even talks about you anymore. It's like he forgot you existed! So cruel!"

Ichigo punted Isshin across the room with a well-placed kick. "Don't talk about me like I'm not here," he grouched. "Can't you go be quiet somewhere else?"

"I thought _I_ was supposed to be man of the house," Isshin grumbled as he slouched off to his bedroom. Meanwhile, Yuzu hurried to arrange the refreshments, humming all the while.

Ichigo felt himself tense up, his heart racing as Rukia stood there. "So, uh..." he started. "It... it really is cool to have you back..."

"Of course." Rukia did a little bow. "It's only natural for me to visit my fiance. Don't you think?"

"O-oh yeah. The whole fiance thing," Ichigo repeated with a nervous laugh. Damn, this was getting awkward. What was he supposed to do?

"Thanks. We'll have these in Ichigo's room," Rukia said kindly, when Yuzu offered a tray of two full tea mugs and tea cakes. She took the tray and led Ichigo upstairs to his room, where she set the tray on the desk and locked the door.

Ichigo sat on the corner of his bed, a nervous grin on his face. "Locking me in? This must be serious."

"No, I just know how much Yuzu and your father like to barge in on things," Rukia said, handing Ichigo a mug. She sat at the desk and sipped from her own mug. "Nice and private in here."

"Yeah." Ichigo took a sip and turned his own mug around in his hands, staring at the steaming liquid. "Hey, um..."

"Yeah?"

Ichigo looked up. "Be straight with me. This _isn't_ just a friendly visit, is it?"

Rukia blinked. "Sorry?"

"Renji showed up in a gigai yesterday and got on my case," Ichigo told her. "He said Byakuya sent him. But I bet it was your idea, too."

Rukia took another sip of tea, ever so politely. "I didn't tell Renji to do that. I just didn't oppose the idea."

Ichigo made a small grin. "Close enough."

"Look, I'm sorry if Renji put you on the spotlight," Rukia admitted. "He's not the most diplomatic person. But relax. You'll only see him at school."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better, or what?"

"Come on! It's just school," Rukia pressed him, pouting. "We'll act like normal students and everything. I promise."

Ichigo sighed. "Okay, as long as you... what?!" He jumped and nearly spilled his tea. "We? Don't tell me _you_ -?"

"I transferred, too!" Rukia beamed and pointed right at her fiance. "Rukia Kuchiki, model student, makes her return! And having an ape like Renji around will make me look even better. I might even get voted 'most popular' in the senior yearbook."

Ichigo sputtered. "That's not what's important here! I'm on track to graduate high school in two months, and now everyone's getting things messy again. You and Renji and Byakuya -"

"And Momo and Rangiku," Rukia added as she took a tea cake.

"Ran..." Ichigo's jaw dropped as he imagined the busty strawberry-blonde Soul Reaper. "N-no way. You invited her and Momo too? Where are they?!"

"Orihime's house," Rukia explained. "Don't worry, they won't come crashing in here. I made sure of that."

"Thank goodness for small favors."

Rukia got up and sat next to Ichigo. She held his shoulders. "Ichigo, we're engaged. Don't you want to spend a little time with your fiancee? After everything we went through, and the war against the Wandenreich... this is _our_ time. Just you and me." She kissed his cheek. "I want that. Don't you?"

"W-well..." Ichigo made another nervous laugh as his face warmed. He could feel Rukia cuddling up next to him, the warmth of her gigai body... "We could just have a quiet evening together. And tomorrow at school, you'd better keep Momo and the others off my case."

"Of course I can." Rukia got up and took Ichigo's hand. "Now, what's good on TV? That's one human thing I really miss..."

Against all odds, Rukia was right; once she and Ichigo changed into sleepwear and relaxed together on the couch with snacks and a blanket draped over their laps, Ichigo felt his anxiety melt away. Rukia burst out laughing at the ridiculous game show on TV, and Ichigo chuckled, too. "Look, not all humans are as stupid as the ones in the game," he told her, taking a bite of popcorn. "It just makes the show more fun."

"Maybe _you_ should go on the TV and play," Rukia teased him. "I'd watch that."

Ichigo watched a contestant get flipped off a board and land in a pool of water filled with rubber duckies. He groaned. "Please, oh please don't make me."

Rukia elbowed him. "Not even for me?"

"Especially not for you!"

"Jerk! What if I asked nicely?"

"Make Renji do it, you mean-spirited shorty."

Rukia made a face. "I dare you to say that again, carrot-top!"

They glared daggers at each other until Icigo burst out laughing. "You know, I think I _did_ miss this."

Rukia grinned. "Heck, me too. And is there any more popcorn?"

Ichigo handed her the bowl. "Here."

"Great." Rukia ate a mouthful. "This is nice. I could stay up all night."

"You'd better not. I have school. And apparently, you do too."

"Can't pull an all-nighter?" Rukia teased.

Ichigo glanced away. "No. Not happening."

"Spoilsport..."

Ultimately, Ichigo compromised with a midnight bedtime, and Rukia wasted no time in hopping into not the closet, but Ichigo's bed next to him.

"Excuse me! Your closet's over there!" Ichigo cried, red in the face as he pointed.

Rukia settled down and drew up the blankets to her chin, her violet eyes defiant. "We're engaged, loser. Don't overreact to stuff like this."

"Overreact?!" Ichigo took a step back. "Y-you expect me to sleep in the same bed as -"

"Your fiancee? Yes. Now get in here."

"But...!"

There was a knock. "Ichigo? Is everything okay in there?" came Yuzu's muffled voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" Ichigo hollered back. He sighed and ran a hand down his face. "You're not going to back off, are you?"

Rukia's smile widened. "No. But _you_ should come over here. It's time for _bed_."

 _This is nuts..._ Ichigo shut off the lights and climbed in with his fiancee, making sure to face away from her, or not even touch her. This was too much, too soon.

Not for Rukia, though. She snuggled up and wrapped her arms around Ichigo as the big spoon. "You're really warm, you know," she murmured into his ear, her dark hair tickling him.

"Y-yeah, I know." Ichigo resolutely stared at the wall to occupy himself, but damn, Rukia felt really good pressed up against him...

"You don't mind if I sleep like this, dear fiance?"

"D-do whatever you want." Ichigo felt himself go even warmer as Rukia snuggled tighter, her leg gently rubbing against his. It didn't help that Rukia was wearing not the long-sleeved outfit she used to have, but rather, a thin pink nightie. The kind that didn't even go down to her knees, and had a pretty modest top... Ichigo felt his interest tightening his pajama pants, and he resolved to _not_ turn over. _Just sleep... just sleep!_ He told himself, even as he kept picturing Rukia in that tantalizingly thin nighty, and -

Yeah, he definitely felt the gentle squish of Rukia's breasts pressed against his back.

It was going to be a long night!

*o*o*o*o*

"Ichigo! How do I look?"

Momo Hinamori twirled around in the hallways of Karakura High the next morning in her gigai, her uniform's skirt billowing out.

"Fine," Ichigo said vaguely as he walked by. "Good morning. Come on, we'll be late for biology."

Momo pouted. "That's no way to treat a friend."

"Sorry." Ichigo was still preoccupied as he sat in biology with all his Soul Reaper companions, his mind on anythintg but the anatomy of a plant cell. He'd spent half the night having a furious debate on whether to roll over and cuddle up next to his fiancee, and part of him couldn't believe he was having that debate to begin with. It was too soon! He couldn't just thrash around in bed like some horny animal! Or worse, like Keigo!

"Kurosaki? Are you all right?" the professor asked.

"Yeah. Fine," Ichigo muttered, glancing out the window, his chin rested on his hand. He heard Momo and Rangiku giggle at him and went pink. He was pretty sure Rukia had already filled them in on the details of last evening. Just great!

"Feeling okay, bro?" Renji asked from the desk on Ichigo's right. He had a teasing grin on his face.

"Shut up, dude," Ichigo muttered.

"Did Rukia throw herself at you? Bet she did."

"Shut _up_."

"I know you, man," Renji said, lowering his voice to a mutter. "I bet you love having her around."

"She's a friend. Why wouldn't I like it?"

Renji nodded. "So, does that mean you've accepted her as your fiancee?"

"Mind your own business," Ichigo snapped as the professor blabbed about chloroplasts.

Renji scowled. "Come on! Even when you had her over for the night, you won't accept her? Lame!"

"Nothing happened!" Ichigo snapped back.

"Bull!" Renji retorted.

"D'you think she seduced me or something? No way some annoying midget like her could pull that off."

Rukia slammed her open palms on her desk and bolted to her feet. "What the hell did you say about me?!"

Ichigo rose to his feet, too. "I didn't say a thing!"

"I heard your little chat with Renji, Ichigo." Rukia jabbed an accusing finger. "Do you find me repulsive or something? H-how could you?!"

"I didn't say that!" Ichigo cried. "Look... it's more like -"

"Kurosaki, Kuchiki, that's detention," the professor cut in. "Right after school. Now sit down and _be quiet_!"

Ichigo didn't say another word all day, and he was equally stone-silent in the detention room. And for some reason, Momo and Rangiku were there, too, alongside Rukia.

"We got ourselves in trouble on purpose," Rangiku muttered happily to Ichigo, "so could help you and Rukia out."

Ichigo scowled.

"You can count on us," Rangiku added.

"Hey! No talking!" the detention teacher barked.

Ichigo rolled his eyes, wrote a note, and passed it to Rangiku: _You and Momo don't have to be here at Karakura Town. Or Renji. I'm fine!_

Rangiku smiled and passed her own note when the teacher wasn't looking. _Silly! We're here to support Rukia and your engagement. Byakuya sent Renji, but Momo and I are here for our friend. And for her story, too!_  
What in the world? Ichigo covertly passed Rangiku another note: _Rukia can handle herself, Lieutenant. And what "story"?_

Rangiku pointed at Rukia, who was hunched over her desk, madly writing something. Ichigo got the feeling it wasn't homework...

Now Momo passed Ichigo a note. _In case she didn't tell you, Ichigo, Rukia got published in the Seireitei Bulletin! And I'm her editor! She started an epic poem called "Tale of the Two Lovers". Can you guess what it's about?_

Ichigo's jaw dropped. No way! Rukia... she was writing about her love life for the whole Soul Society to see? Even Byakuya and Hisana would get their hands on it! And sure enough, Rukia passed him her folded-up paper. Ichigo had no choice but to read.

 _"A more stubborn ox have I never met," spoke the princess Raiko,_

 _For the hero Kuzo spurned her courtship, her bed growing cold_

 _Once the princess spoke of betrothal._

 _"I am free like the falcon soars overhead," spoke Kuzo the obstinate,_

 _"and I have a heart of adventure and lust for the journey,_

 _"and my time here in the rabbit kingdom may grow short."_

 _Such cruel words the hero spoke! For he saw only fleeting pleasures_

 _When he regarded the maiden fair. For they may share a bed,_

 _And watch the amusements of the traveling circus, and hear_

 _The strains of music at the opera, but not yet were their hearts_

 _Bound by the silken twine of love's warm kiss of fate._

 _"Perhaps, then, you should desire more of what my kingdom fair_

 _Can offer a man such as you?" the maiden implored._

 _"I must leave on the morrow," Kuzo replied, "for I have lands yet to see."_

Ichigo stared in shock as the girls giggled at him. He was at a loss for words. What?! Rukia based this story on her and his personal life! And just because he couldn't just leap into Soul Society life, he was a selfish wanderer? Not true!

Barely a minute later, Rukia passed another paper, and Ichigo just _had_ to read it.

 _"What desires ring true in that beating heart of yours?" inquired_

 _The princess fair, the lavish Raiko._

 _"I seek whatever cure may exist for this void within me," spoke Kuzo,_

 _"For I have wandered far, but satisfaction slips time and again_

 _Through my fingers."_

 _"Then prove thyself," princess Raiko spoke, swathed in her robes_

 _Of pink and white. "My brother-in-law is the lordliest of men,_

 _And should you best him in single combat, and complete the challenges_

 _That he shall set upon you, may you forever be the hero of legend_

 _Here in the rabbit kingdom!"_

 _"O! For my soul burns for the thrill of challenge," Kuzo declared,_

 _"To find the limits of my mortal shell, to test the spirit within me,_

 _And discover the elusive lady known as Love, and tame her."_

 _"It is decided," the princess declared. "The challenges shall begin_

 _Once the sun clears the horizon tomorrow! Chappy, send word_

 _To the kingdom's lord!"_

 _And Chappy, that magical vassal, hopped on his way._

 _"Now," the princess added, "perhaps first, I shall prove why I_

 _Shall be worthy of binding my loving soul to yours, and unite the flesh."_

 _She discarded her robes, and in that sun-kissed field of_

 _passion-red flowers,_

 _The princess had Kuzo on his back, his clothes forgotten,_

 _as her hands ran over his chest, testing the muscles between her fingers_

 _That would, tomorrow, rise to the lord's many challenges._

 _"O, what a supple bosom you have," the hero Kuzo spoke,_

 _As his hands embraced the maiden's tender flesh, kneading,_

 _Caressing, testing her tips between his fingertips,_

 _His manly sword already unsheathed and held at length,_

 _And the princess rocked as though on a storm-tossed boat,_

 _Skin shiny with sweat,_

 _As the hero plunged his sword within her, the troubles of tomorrow_

 _Utterly forgotten, Kuzo's hands clasped firmly opon the maiden's_

 _Silk-smooth hips, his passion filling her -_

"What is THIS?!" Ichigo roared, scrambling back in his seat, heart thumping, his face totally red, his pants taut again with inexplicable interest. "Rukia...!" He set his school bag over his lap to hide that "sword" of his.

Rangiku chuckled and slapped the surface of her desk. "If you reacted like that, then this installment must be ready for publication!"

"How do you like _this_?" Rukia teased him, turning to face him with a wicked grin on her face.

"D-don't you dare publish that!" Ichigo wailed.

"Oh, this is _totally_ going into tomorrow's Seireitei Bulletin!" Momo added with glee. "Everyone will love it. Welcome to _Tale of the Two Lovers_ , hero Ichigo!"

Ichigo sputtered. "I-I'm not the hero guy in that story! That's not me!"

The detention teacher loomed over all of them. "Done talking yet?" he demanded. "That's going to be detention tomorrow, too, for all of you. Now shut up!"

*o*o*o*o*

"Look, Ichigo. You kind of forced my hand," Rukia said simply as she and Ichigo walked home together as the sun was setting. "You were being stubborn like an ox all day."

"I know that's a line in your poem," Ichigo bit back. "There's no way that hero guy and the rabbit kingdom princess are supposed to be us."

"Hey, I have the whole thing planned out," Rukia told him with a smile. "I remember everything we've been through together, Ichigo. All the struggles and laughter and pain... and the love. This is how I want to express it. This is how I tell our story to the world."

Ichigo grunted. "The world could stand to not know a few details..."

Rukia elbowed him. "Dummy. This is coming straight from the heart. It's about _us_."

"Yeah, no kidding." Ichigo glanced away, his skin tingling. Damn, but Rukia could write a pretty hot scene... and he still remembered her adventures in the bed last night... and he was finding it pretty hard to say no to all this stuff...

"I just need to explore your life a little. Your world," Rukia explained gently as they entered Ichigo's neighborhood. She held his hand and squeezed it. "I know this all isn't easy for you. Why not spend a little time here, and figure out just where we should go from here?"

Ichigo swallowed. "What are you getting at?"

"It's not like we're getting married tomorrow," Rukia told him. "Relax, will you? I'm sure you'll come around to my way of thinking." She gave him another of those wicken grins of hers.

Ichigo made a nervous laugh as he stepped onto the Kurosaki Clinic's front porch. "Bring it on, dear fiancee."

"Oh, I _will_." Rukia poked his side. "Now, get your butt in the house..."


	5. Chapter 5

**Tale of the Two Lovers**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 5**

Breakfast at the Kuchiki manor was usually a polite and comfortable affair, but nowadays, things were a little... well...

"Today's edition of the Seireitei Bulletin was delivered rather early," Byakuya commented at the breakfast table, where Rukia joined her sister as a guest as per usual. He held up the morning paper and gently set it on the table, then took another bite. "Apparently, the young lady who delivers our paper was eager to share it. She didn't even request the usual tip."

"Maybe she just loves her work," Rukia joked, fully aware of what was going on here. She tried not to blush as she took a sip of tea.

Byakuya shrugged. "She acted like this yesterday, too, and the last few days before that. She almost seemed... _bashful_ , somehow." He glanced at his wife. "Did you say something to her, dear?"

Hisana smiled craftily. "I certainly didn't."

"Hmmmmmm..." Byakuya glanced back and forth between his wife and sister-in-law, then picked up today's Seireitei Bulletin and leafed through it. "I wonder why... oh, for heaven's sake." He made a mortified face when he held out today's installment of _Tale of the Two Lovers_ , the steamiest one yet. "Is this why?"

Hisana chuckled behind her hand. "You've figured it out, darling."

"But this story..." Byakuya looked incredulous as he scanned it with his gray eyes. His hands trembled. "Rukia, you really wrote all this?"

Rukia shifted in her seat. Maybe it was time to resume having breakfast at the Squad 13 barracks? "Y-yeah, I did. Look, it's just for fun. It's nothing to worry about -"

"Let me see it!" Hisana swiped the paper and quickly read today's _Tale_. She blushed and glanced at her husband. "Oh, this is a good one, Byakuya honey. This story has really taken off, you know." She tapped a finger on the paper. "Rukia's bragged about it for the last week and a half! Her writing has gotten so popular in the 13 Court Guard Squads, especially among the ladies."

Rukia shifted again and tried to avoid Byakuya's eyes. "Y-you don't mind, do you?"

Byakuya stiffened his back. "Of course not. It is not my place to interfere with your creative work."

Hisana scooted closer to her husband with a sly smile. "Do I hear a 'but' in your voice?"

"Well..." Byakuya cleared his throat. "Rukia, I think that your serial poem is giving... certain people... some outlandish ideas..." His voice trailed off as Hisana snuggled up next to him, grinning widely.

"Oh, no." Rukia covered her eyes. "Do we have to do this at the breakfast table? Get a room!"

"Honey, we're in the middle of breakfast," Byakuya implored his wife. "And I have a lot of paperwork to catch up on -"

"Oh, your paperwork can wait for ten minutes," Hisana teased him, and Rukia lowered her hands just in time to see her sister tracing her finger seductively down Byakuya's chest. Rukia put her hands back up with great haste.

"I really must get to work," Byakuya insisted. "I'm sorry. But there are great demands placed upon me. And I have a meeting with the Kuchiki elders today, and I have some business to attend to with the Shiba family, too -"

"Ohhhhh, is that a no, darling boy?" Hisana said with mock disappointment.

Byakuya swallowed. "I... I'm sorry, Hisana, but I have a busy schedule today."

"Not even _five_ minutes?"

"I really must get to work..."

"You don't want me?" Hisana made sad-puppy eyes.

Byakuya blinked. "I always do. I love you. But you've become so _frisky_ lately. It's not like you..."

"Hmph." Hisana glanced at her little sister. "You know, Rukia, how did we both end up with such stubborn fellows? Your Ichigo reminds me more of Byakuya every day, and vice versa. What a fun challenge it is." She smiled.

Rukia scrambled back, going red. "What the heck? Ichigo is nothing like my brother-in-law! Nothing! No offense," she added hastily.

Byakuya sighed through his nose. "This conversation really got away from me..."

"Sometimes, I wonder just what is going on in a man's mind," Hisana said smoothly, tapping Byakuya's chest. "Rukia, I wish you the best of luck down in the world of the living with Ichigo."

Rukia nearly tripped over herself getting to her feet. "That's it, I'm spending every morning at the Kurosaki Clinic!"

"Say hi to Ichigo for me!" Hisana cried as Rukia scrambled out of the dining room. "Tell him I send my love!"

Rukia was glad when she shut the door and got onto the Kuchiki front grounds. She sighed. Hisana used to be so much quieter and more reserved, like her husband... _that_ was over now, wasn't it?

She opened up a Senkaimon Gate and hopped back to her favorite mortal town.

*o*o*o*o*

It was hard to look Ichigo straight in the eye during school today, especially when Rukia kept remembering Hisana's well-meaning but totally inappropriate words. What kind of big sister put a younger sibling on the spotlight like that? Rukia would deal with Ichigo her own way, at her own pace!

Ichigo looked over at her during math class, his chin resting on his hand. His eyes seemed to ask _What's wrong?_

Rukia shook her head, trying not to go pink. No, this was the wrong time, wrong place. Why couldn't things be simpler around here?

"Ugh, my big sister is killing me," Rukia complained after school as she and Momo walked across the high school's front grounds. The blossom trees were really coming along well this year, though none had dropped any petals yet. "Did I mention how she's a huge fan of _Tale of the Two Lovers_?"

Momo smiled. "Did I mention how _everyone_ is a fan of your story?"

"Well, I've seen some people reading it in the Seireitei Bulletin..." Rukia shrugged as the girls stepped onto the sidewalk and down the street.

"Silly." Momo gently slapped Rukia's shoulder. "Your readership is huge! Don't you realize what a hit you have on your hands? This is an editor's pride and joy!" She stretched her arms over her head and sighed happily. "I've molded you into a master, Rukia. Feel proud!"

Rukia hung her head. "Right now, I feel like this huge, awkward spotlight is shining on me, and Hisana is the one operating it."

"Well, that's the public life of an author," Momo teased her. "You can't go back now; it's all out there, and the people are clamoring for more."

"You sound pretty sure of that," Rukia pointed out. "You must really have an ear to the ground."

"I don't need to." Momo held up a finger for emphasis. "Don't you read any of your fan mail?"

Rukia nearly tripped. "Wh-what? I'm getting mail?"

"Oh. Silly me," Momo said. "It's not being sent to the Squad 13 barracks; it all goes to Squad 9's newspaper office, to Lieutenant Hisagi. That's where all the mail goes for Bulletin stuff."

Rukia snorted. "I don't think I want to know what those letters say."

"Well... a _few_ of them were pretty upset about the X-rated stuff in your story," Momo admitted. "But don't let the naysayers get you down, Rukia."

"How can I? I didn't read any of it."

"Oh. Right." Momo chuckled. "Really, though... come to Squad 9's office with me later. I'll show you just how popular you and _Tale of the Two Lovers_ have become!"

"Sure, sure..."

Momo glanced around. "Where are we going, anyway?"

"If I'm going to do this, I'll do it right," Rukia declared. She smiled. "You know, the human world has a _lot_ of reference material. More than you can imagine, Momo."

Momo gasped, her eyes wide. "I think I've heard rumors about this..."

Rukia nodded. "That's right. First stop - here."

Both girls arrived at the front doors of a manga store.

Momo scratched her head. "What is this place?"

"Come with me, and find out." Rukia took Momo's hand and dragged her inside, to a world of paperback glory and bedazzlement. Already, high school and college-age young men and women were eyes-deep into different volumes of manga, all kinds of genres. Quiet pop music played on ceiling-mounted speakers, and there was a lot of other stuff, too. Stuff even Rukia didn't understand.

"Whoa..." Momo's eyes were wide as she took in the place. "I've never... I mean... what is _that_?" She pointed at a rack of colorful volumes.

Rukia picked up volume 1 of some comic series, looking it over. She smiled. "This is what's called Shojo manga. It's all kinds of drama, romance, and adventure stories for girls. See?" She handed over the volume, and Momo gawked at its contents.

"It's so... flowery!" Momo traced her finger down a page. "I've never seen an art style like this. Is this how humans tell romance stories?"

"Yeah," Rukia said, nodding. "But what I'm wondering is this: what genre am I? I mean, _Tale of the Two Lovers_ comes from the Soul Society. I think it shares some elements with Shojo, but not enough."

Momo looked up from the flowery manga. "What do you mean?"

Rukia led Momo through the shop and to a different rack of paperback manga. She took down a book and flipped through it. "Ichigo and Keigo taught me a lot about these things... Momo, this is what's called Josei manga, meant for older women, and it's more explicit than Shojo, which is for younger girls. Look."

"Ohhhhh." Momo browsed the volume with keen interest. "Rukia, this is fascinating! The art style... the narrative... it's so compelling." She looked up. "I think that _Tale of the Two Lovers_ may share some artistic elements with this, aside from being epic poetry."

Rukia nodded. "Yeah. But there's one _more_ thing..."

She put back the Josei volume and, starting to blush a little, brought Momo to a corner of the shop, where both girls found -

"Hentai? What is... oh my..." Momo gasped, hands over her mouth as she beheld the hentai genre.

Rukia made an embarassed giggle. "I just wanted to see your reaction. I don't think the _Tale_ has much in common with hentai, but who knows? I might get an idea or two, if I'm desperate for a chapter idea."

"B-but this is so..." With a trembling hand, Momo took down a volume and peeked through it. She went red. "What is that octopus doing to that girl in the swimsuit?!"

"That's what I want to know, Momo. Can I see that?"

Momo and Rukia both jumped when Rangiku arrived in her own gigai, a wide grin on her face. And as usual, she had the top three buttons of her high school uniform undone, drawing more than a little attention.

"L-Lieutenant Matsumoto?" Momo yelped. "I didn't realize you were in here."

"I come here every day," Rangiku said casually, tossing her hair. "Especially for the hentai! Now hand it over! I wanna buy that."

Momo hastily handed over the volume she was holding. "All yours. I-I wasn't interested anyway."

"No?" Rangiku stroked the volume's cover. "You seemed pretty interested to me."

"Was not!" Momo stamped a foot. "It's not even realistic! This is real life, not some... smutty manga!" She spread her arms wide.

Rukia lowered Momo's arms. "Relax, Lieutenant. I was just having some fun. But really, I think you might enjoy Shojo or Josei. And so will I."

Momo cleared her throat and lifted her chin. "For artistic research, I will help you, Rukia, as your editor and patron of _Tale of the Two Lovers_. And you..." She pointed at Rangiku. "You're just here for the tentacle drawings, aren't you?"

"Not _just_ that," Rangiku said. "But yeah, mostly that. Anyway..." She jabbed her thumb over her shoulder. "I gotta pay for this. Then I wanna share an idea with you, Rukia."

So, after Rangiku bought her hentai manga and carried it out the shop in a strategically opaque bag, she led Rukia and Momo further downtown.

"How often do you girls enjoy Karakura Town's nightlife?" Rangiku asked.

"Nightlife?" Momo repeated blankly.

Rangiku made an impatient noise. "Y'know, dancing the night away, clubbing, bar hopping, cool restaurants, live shows, stuff like that!" She waved a finger, smiling. "You're so predictable, Momo. You just stay at Squad 5's barracks every night, doodling or daydreaming about Toshiro -"

"I do not!" Momo snapped, going red.

Rangiku's smile came back into place. "My point is, visiting the world of the living has become more popular ever since the fall of the Wandenreich. Curiosity, you know." She jiggled her shopping bag. "And not just for cool manga... but the _life_ humans live! Rukia, you've been here before... why not take Ichigo out on the town? Live it up a little?"

Rukia blinked. "What the... are you setting me up on a date?"

"I sure am. I think you kids need a little push." Rangiku winked and made the "OK" sign with her hand. "Honestly, Rukia, I've read and re-read every sweet word of _Tale of the Two Lovers_ , and I know just what kind of desire burns in you. Ichigo means everything to you, doesn't he?"

"W-well, yeah." Rukia fidgeted shyly in place, hands clasped behind her back.

"And you're _engaged_ to him."

"Yeah." Rukia felt her heart racing.

"Look, Byakuya and Renji don't know what a modern girl wants... but I do! Take him out and have a hot date night. Get frisky!" Rangiku beamed widely.

Rukia scowled. "You're even worse than my sister..."

"You _should_ do it," Momo added, rounding on Rukia. "Think about what new material this would inspire for _Tale of the Two Lovers_! You could reach the big climax of the story and dazzle your readers!"

"That's not the only climax Rukia and Ichigo might get," Rangiku added with another wink.

Rukia threw her hands up in the air. "What I wouldn't give for one sane friend!"

"Sorry, sorry." Rangiku patted Rukia's shoulder. "But really... your daily poem can only take you so far, Rukia. Live like that rabbit princess!"

"And enjoy your prince's sword," Momo added with a teasing smile.

Rukia went a shade redder. "Now I'm _sure_ I'm living in a hentai manga."

Rangiku shook her head. "If your life were a story, Rukia, it'd be somewhere between Shojo and Josei with a bit of Shonen, too."

"Huh?" Rukia put her hands on her hips. "Do I like look a Shonen heroine? Have I ever been that?"

Momo waved a hand. "Let's not worry about it. After all, this is real life, inspired by a story that's inspired by a real life that's almost like a fairy tale."

Rukia sighed. "We're going in circles."

"In that case," Rangiku said, poking a finger into Rukia's belly, "it's time for another chapter of your life! In the next chapter, you'll have a hot date and realize your deepest, steamiest desires... and we'll all be happy when we read about it in _Tale of the Two Lovers_!"

"That's not a chapter I'll let _you_ read," Rukia muttered.

"Oh, I'll _live_ it," Rangiku told her. "Momo and I can be your dating coaches. You're a bit rusty at this, Rukia. You need help with an outfit, learning some new sexy talk, thinking up steamy date ideas..."

"Why can't Ichigo take care of that?" Rukia demanded.

"Because he's a bigger prude than Captain Kuchiki, and that's saying a lot," Momo said with a giggle. "Now, enough talk! Meet us tomorrow after school, Rukia, and we'll get you ready."

There was no helping it, was there? "Okay, okay," Rukia admitted. "See you both tomorrow." She walked all the way back to the Kurosaki Clinic, where she found Ichigo seated in front of the TV, deep into English homework.

"There you are, Rukia," Ichigo said gratefully. "Hey, I'm stuck on this last bit. Can you understand it?"

Rukia glanced at the homework. "Sorry. It's gibberish to me."

Ichigo scowled. "You didn't even try, midget!"

Rukia bopped Ichigo on the head with her fist. "Can the attitude. I'm tired. And tomorrow is gonna be busy, too..."

"Oh, yeah?" Ichigo looked curious. "What's going on tomorrow? Something I should know?"

Rukia couldn't help but smile at Ichigo's inquisitive look. "You'll find out soon. I'll be in the bath."

She went upstairs, locked herself in Ichigo's room, and discarded her school uniform. _Hmmmmm..._ on an impulse, she examined herself in the mirror in her white undies, a hand on her hips. What _was_ she in for tomorrow, anyway?

This had better be good!


	6. Chapter 6

**Tale of the Two Lovers**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 6**

Sure enough, the very second class let out at Karakura High School the next day, both Rangiku and Momo whisked Rukia to Orihime's place to prepare her for this evening.

"Orihime's at soccer practice," Momo explained once she unlocked the front door and led Rukia inside. "She won't mind."

"Okay," Rukia said, suddenly wondering if this was a trap. "So... what big date plans do you have in mind?"

Rangiku grinned widely. "Get your butt in the guest bedroom and find out."

In there, Momo took something down from the closet rack and presented: a low-cut, alluring red dress!.

Rukia stared. "Whoa! Where'd you get _that_?"

"Oh, a little place downtown," Rangiku said mysteriously. "Now try it on! We'll wait outside."

In five minutes, Rukia invited the girls back in... and Momo whooped and clapped her hands. "Amazing!" she cried. "Just like I imagined. Rukia, you'll be going places tonight..."

"You think so?" Rukia said with false modesty, twirling around in front of a tall mirror. Damn, she _did_ own this thing... it had thin shoulder straps and was generous with her bust, and the skirt only went about two-thirds down to her knees.

"Don't forget these," Rangiku added, handing over a box of classy black heels. "And don't worry, I know your size."

Rukia smiled and put a hand on her hip. "Thanks, girls. Wish me luck."

Both Rangiku and Momo shared a knowing smile that made Rukia narrow her eyes. "Okay, what was that look?" Rukia demanded.

"Nothing," Rangiku said quickly. "Well, maybe one more thing..." She stepped foward and slid the dress's red fabric a little lower on Rukia's chest, showing a hell of a lot of cleavage. "Perfect."

"Lieutenant...!" Rukia choked as she checked out her reflection. "I-I'm not a Playboy bunny..."

"Better: you're the rabbit princess," Momo teased. "Your prince is waiting for you, you know... with that heroic sword of his..."

Rukia slid her dress back into position as Rangiku and Momo giggled, her heart beating a little harder. "I'll decide when and if I'll let the girls out to play," she said loftily. "Now, let's formulate a plan..."

*o*o*o*o*

Ichigo couldn't imagine where in the world Rukia had gone after class, but she sent him a text ordering him to dress up fancy ASAP, and at 6:00 sharp, there was a knock on the door. He answered it and stared in amazement. "There you are... whoa!"

"Like it?" Rukia smiled bashfully and clasped her hands together behind her back. She went pink. "Rangiku and Momo picked it out." She breathed deep, flexing her curvy chest in that little red dress.

"It's great," Ichigo choked out, feeling himself blushing, his heart hammering. Damn, Rukia knew how to tease! He tugged on the collar of his white dress shirt to let out a little hot air.

"Hey, you clean up pretty well, too," Rukia said with a kind smile, giving her fiance a gentle shove on the shoulder. "Look at you! How come you don't go out like that more often?"

Ichigo cracked a grin. "You kidding? I look like I'm about to give a medical lecture somewhere. My dad bought all my formal clothes, but you know his taste. Or lack of it." He motioned to his brown blazer with elbow pads, white shirt and black bow tie, and black slacks and shoes.

"Good enough for me. I, for one, think you're quite the handsome devil," Rukia said, hooking her arm with Ichigo's. "You ready? We've got a fun evening ahead of us."

"Lead the way."

Rukia's first stop: the hamburger joint down the street, which was starting to get crowded at this time of day.

"Oh. Pretty blue-collar choice," Ichigo commented, hands in his pockets. "I didn't think you'd even like this."

"Silly," Rukia said, elbowing him. "The Kuchiki manor chefs are fantastic... but there's something rustic and undeniable about human food like this. I've never even _heard_ of French fries until I came to Karakura Town!"

"Yeah, I can't imagine Byakuya munching down on those..."

They got their orders and sat at one of the round tables in the restaurant's lobby. "Ketchup, too," Rukia added after a moment. She motioned with her burger. "Seriously, who invented it? I wanna thank him or her."

"Sorry, I dunno who that is." Ichigo glanced around and smiled. He shook his head. "You're like a mind reader, you know that? This is really nice. I think I needed a quiet, ordinary evening on the town." He sipped his Coke. "I mean, with exams, looking for a college, and our engagement, I feel like I'm being pulled in different directions. An evening off hits the spot."

Rukia gave him a knowing look. "Does that mean you're still anxious about our engagement?"

"Well..." Ichigo winced. "I meant to avoid that topic for now."

"It's okay. Tell me."

"Look, it's hard to explain this without sounding selfish, but..." Ichigo swallowed. "I grew up human, living here in Karakura Town. My family, my friends, any future career I might have, all my favorite places growing up... imagine having to leave all that."

Rukia nodded sympathetically. "I can't blame you for getting homesick."

"But if I never joined forces with the Gotei 13, all this could have come crashing down," Ichigo added. "First Captain Aizen, then the Wandenreich... the Soul Society owes me a lot, and I owe them for giving me the chance to fight. I'm linked to it. But part me is scared to just throw myself into it. I wasn't born a soul, much less a nobleman."

Rukia ate a French fry. "You're related to the noble Shiba family, remember? Through your father."

"Oh yeah." Ichigo recalled what Isshin had explained about his heritage, and he grinned. "That hardly counts, though."

Rukia made an indignant face. "What? You ingrate! You're of noble descent!"

"Yeah, but my dad was hardly a nobleman, much less me," Ichigo said with a teasing smile. "He was more like a chimp stuffed in a Captain's robes. And look at me, with my punk hair and mortal lifespan... I ain't some prince."

Rukia chuckled. "Okay, when you put it like that... the apple didn't fall far from the tree."

Ichigo scowled. "That's some way to talk to a Shiba."

"So _now_ you care?"

"I..." Ichigo locked his hard gaze with Rukia's for a second, then relaxed. "Oh, who cares. What difference does that make?"

"Well, you'll definitely be a nobleman once we marry," Rukia said confidently, eating another fry. "I think that settles it."

"Easy for you to say," Ichigo muttered.

Rukia blinked. "Hey, this is your fiancee you're talking to. Don't you think I'm looking forward to it all?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean -"

Rukia made a false, theatrical sigh, glancing away. "How tragic. I was gonna have such a hot date night with you... and show you the perks of being engaged..." She sighed deeper, heaving her chest. Her perky, curvy chest, in that tight red dress... and her smooth, cream-colored skin...

Ichigo felt his face warm again. "No, no! Look, I'd love to finish our date." When Rukia looked skeptical, he added, "I really want to spend the night with my favorite girl. Come on... what do you say?"

Rukia beamed. "Strap yourself in, lover boy."

*o*o*o*o*

"Whoa, whoa! Rukia, I don't dance! Are you trying to kill me?"

Ichigo squawked in protest when his fiancee led him to a dance studio down the street, and boy was the place busy and popular!

Rukia smiled and dragged him inside. "We'll dance together at our wedding, you know. And besides... dancing is how the body sings. That's what my big sister Hisana says, anyway."

"But..." Ichigo sputtered. "How can I... what...?"

"Okay, gather up with your partners, everyone!" the dance instructor said happily, clapping her hands together. "I'm miss Seika, and I'll be your guide to the wonderful world of dance. Pair up!"

Ichigo stood side-by-side with Rukia... and nearby, Momo was here too, with the towering Chad, and Rangiku had Renji as her date! _What?!_

"There you kids are," Momo said fondly. "Did you take your sweet time getting here?"

"We sure did," Rukia said. "Momo, stand back as Ichigo and I show you how it's done."

Momo looked eager. "Go ahead and try!"

"First dance," miss Seika said, "is the salsa!" She turned on some hot Caribbean dance music on her stereo, and she and some random guy demonstrated.

"The upper body remains relatively rigid," miss Saiko explained as she moved, "while the feet move, and the hips, too. Try these basic routines, everyone!"

The room was suddenly full of moving bodies, and Ichigo felt himself being swept into the whirlwind. And even though Rukia was much shorter than him, she took control, guiding Ichigo through the movements, her dress's short skirt flapping as she went, her heeled feet moving perfectly.

"Hey, that's not bad, Ichigo," Rukia said happily after a minute. Her violet eyes were bright with excitement. "Don't tell me you've done this before."

Ichigo laughed politely. "Hey, until today, I thought salsa was only something you put on food."

"This dance is called salsa because it incorporates elements from other dances, like the many ingredients in salsa sauce," Rukia explained. "Or at least, that's one theory. Can you feel it?"

"I... I think I can!" Ichigo felt his confidence swell as he flowed with the music, Rukia's warm hands soft in his as they went. Miss Seika demonstrated some more advanced moves, and this time, Rangiku and Renji outperformed everyone else.

"You're in our dust, Rukia!" Rangiku teased her.

Rukia scowled. "Not so fast, Lieutenant!" She sped up the routine, and Ichigo tried to keep up... until he felt his feet tangle up on Rukia's, and they both toppled to the smooth wooden floor.

"Please be careful," miss Seika said over the music. "Are you all right?"

"Y-yeah, we're fine," Ichigo grunted. He went red as he felt himself pressing on Rukia's chest, his abdomen pressed on hers, and how close their faces were...

"Come on, lover boy," Rukia told him, getting to her feet. "We have to show them how it's done!"

It wasn't easy, though. Momo and Chad also had a short/tall dynamic, and made use of it in creative ways. Ichigo felt his whole body becoming warm from the dance, his breath coming in rapid panting. He wiped his brow when the last song ended. "This is a real workout," he commented.

Rukia smiled and undid Ichigo's bow tie, then undid the top button of his shirt. "Here, let yourself breathe," she said. "Actually..." She undid another two buttons and parted the top third of Ichigo's shirt.

Ichigo swatted Rukia's hand away. "What the hell?"

"There, much better." Rukia traced a warm finger down Ichigo's chest with a wide smile. "Now that's my dance partner."

"Next dance!" miss Seika announced. "The tango. A classic! Follow my lead."

Again, Momo and Rangiku kept close to the Ichigo-Rukia pair, trying to outdo them. The more they did it, the more riled the Kuchiki princess got, and Ichigo did everything possible just to keep up! The room definitely felt hot by now, and he realized that getting sweaty like this wasn't like getting sweaty at soccer practice. It was... alluring, something sexy, even. He couldn't help but notice the sheen on Rukia's skin, and on her bosom, too.

By the end of the class, Ichigo couldn't keep a wide grin off his face. "Damn, that was way more fun than I expected," he panted. "How come I never knew this place was here?"

Rukia gave him a gentle shove. "Because until you met me, you spent all your time sulking at home."

Ichigo winced. "I can't argue with that."

"Nice dancing, lovevbirds," Rangiku piped up. "Ichigo, with a little practice, you could be a real stud on the dance floor!"

"Thanks." Ichigo nodded to Rukia. "So, what's next?"

"I wouldn't mind cooling off a bit," Rukia told him, taking his hand. "Follow me. See you later, Rangiku, Momo, Renji, Chad."

Ichigo didn't say a word until his date led him not to an ice cream parlor like he expected, but the banks of the small river that ran through Karakura Town. By now, the sun had just set, and Karakura Town was in a sleepy twilight, a cool breeze picking up.

Rukia stood on the grassy banks of the river with her fiance. "You know, I'm not half bad a swimmer."

Ichigo gawked. "Don't tell me we're gonna have a swimming race? I'm beat."

"No, not that. We're all alone, you know." Rukia blushed and smiled. "When was the last time you took a dip?"

"Well..." Ichigo shrugged and watched the water flow by. "I dunno. Not in years."

"Don't you wanna cool off?"

"Sure, but..." Ichigo stared. "No way. No. Way!"

"Why not?" Rukia pried off her black heels and set them aside, flexing her toes. "Don't tell me you're embarassed in front of your fiancee?"

Ichigo flushed. "N-no."

"If that's the case," Rukia said, "unzip me." She turned around, showing the vertical zipper along her dress's back.

"Y-you want _me_...?"

"Come on, unzip me."

"I..."

"Oh, for goodness' sake." Rukia turned around and, before Ichigo could argue, popped open his shirt. "Take it off. All of it."

"Rukia!"

"Do it for me? I've seen you shirtless before..."

Ichigo felt his heart racing, his nerves tingling. Man, how did he keep ending up in these situations? But he was still a little giddy from the dance class, and Rukia was still looking damn fine in that red dress... and they _were_ all alone, after all...

"Just don't write about this in your poem story thing," Ichigo said, taking off his blazer, then his shirt. "Promise me that."

Rukia giggled. "How can I not? It's the tale of how two lovers from different worlds meet and fall in love, and overcome monsters and jealous rivals along the way. It's just a _story_."

"Feels a lot like real life," Ichigo muttered.

Rukia stepped forward and patted Ichigo's stomach. "This whole thing is making me wonder: what _is_ a story, anyway?"

Ichigo shrugged.

"Is a story really just reality through a different lens? Or maybe fiction with the potential to be real?"

"I dunno, Rukia." Ichigo unbuckled his belt and slipped it out of its loops. "You sound like my literature teacher."

Rukia smiled, getting an eyeful of Ichigo's bare chest. "What if this life is just one big story? A narrative written by the cosmos? I mean, sometimes it _feels_ like one. Growing up, I never could have imagined meeting someone like you. It almost feels like fate... or a fairy tale."

"What about it?" Ichigo asked, slipping off his shoes, then his socks. "If this was all one big story, and someone was reading it all and knowing every intimate detail, would you do anything different?"

Rukia's smiled widened. "Would you?"

Ichigo paused just before he slipped off his slacks. "Well... um..."

"I can't imagine how the hero Kuzo would act in _Tale of the Two Lovers_ would react if he and the rabbit princess Raiko learned that their very lives were open for all to read," Rukia commented. "After all they've been through... what if you were the lead, Ichigo? What if _Tale of the Two Lovers_ was real?"

Ichigo grinned. "Come on, this isn't some story. This isn't _Tale of the Two Lovers_. You just made it up."

"I guess the debate will have to wait," Rukia said in teasing tones. "For now, let's think that we _are_ alone. What will you do now?"

"You... you can turn around," Ichigo said, going red again.

Rukia turned.

 _It's no big deal,_ Ichigo told himself as his trembling fingers held the zipper on Rukia's tantalizing dress. _You're 18! Buck up._ He slowly eased the zipper down, and Rukia's dress parted as he went, revealing her black bra strap. The zipper went down to the small of Rukia's back, and once there, he helped her climb out of it.

Rukia gently set the dress aside. "Your turn."

Ichigo tore his eyes from the sight of Rukia's nearly-nude form and slipped off his trousers, more eagerly than he expected. _If this is a story,_ he thought, _are we getting to the climax?_

"Now, turn away," Rukia told him.

Ichigo turned and watch the water. Then he glanecd to the side and saw Rukia toss her lacy black bra onto the grass, and he felt his heart leap into his throat. He felt a thrill down his spine as he saw Rukia's thin black panties join the rest of her clothes, and he turned further away as he heard her step across the shore and into the water.

"The water's fine!" Rukia told him. "Join me!"

"O-okay." Ichigo removed the last of his clothes and immersed himself to his shoulders in Karakura Town's tiny river, and though it was chilly, like he expected, it felt great, too.

"See?" Rukia was up to her shoulders too, her black hair still dry. "Was that so difficult?"

"Hey, I'm in here now. Relax," Ichigo said shortly. He checked out the city skyline, with its skyscrapers and the little blue and red lights on thin antennae and the lines of traffic with headlights on. A passenger jet glided by overhead, leaving a thin white contrail on the twilight sky.

College, classes, money, jobs, engagement... it all seemed so far away. Like in another world. A different story.

"You know," Rukia said gently, "this is the happiest I've seen you in weeks."

Ichigo blinked. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." Rukia grinned. "One would think you like my company."

"And why not?" Ichigo shrugged. "We're friends. I trust you. What else would I feel?"

"Gee, you totally know the way to a girl's heart." Rukia swam closer. "You're not the most romantic person I know, Ichigo, but you know what, you have it where it counts."

"Could you be any more cryptic?"

Rukia made an annoyed noise. "And now the magic is gone."

"Magic? I thought we were just cooling off," Ichigo teased her.

"Dammit, carrot-top!" Rukia splashed water in his eyes, and Ichigo raised his hands to shield his face. Buy the time he lowered his hands, Rukia had grabbed him from behind, like she wanted a piggy-back ride.

"R-Rukia!" Ichigo cried. He could feel every bit of Rukia's nude body pressed against him underwater, especially her breasts squished against his back, and her perky, rubbery nipples...

"Swim me to the other bank," Rukia told him. "Do something nice for me. I've been pulling all the weight for this date so far."

"Fine, fine..." Ichigo's well-toned body swam across the narrow river, and not even Rukia's weight slowed him down. He climbed onto the opposite bank and sat, and Rukia settled next to him. Then Ichigo lay flat on his back. "Crap! Okay, now I'm feeling it... let me catch my breath."

"Tired already?" Rukia kneeled next to him, a smug grin on her face in the fading dusk. A half moon was rising. "I thought you were the big, tough hero, Ichigo."

Ichigo gave her a grumpy look. "Fighting Quincies is a piece of cake next to living with you, rabbit princess."

"I know I'm hard to handle," Rukia admitted, "but hey, it's totally worth it, isn't it?"

"I... guess."

Rukia giggled, her face red again. "I think your sword agrees."

"What? I'm not in my spirit body... _What?!"_ Ichigo looked down and realized what Rukia meant. _That tricky little rabbit princess!_

Rukia leaned forward, her wet, bare breasts jiggling as she moved, hanging close to Ichigo's face. She smiled. "Admit it, you want me."

"I want you to back away!"

"Somehow, I don't think so..." She leaned a little more, a hand on Ichigo's bare chest to keep her stable.

Ichigo swallowed, his heart galloping. "Are you taking advantage of me because I'm too tired to run away?"

"I dunno. Am I?" Rukia ran her hands across Ichigo's chest, panting for breath. "Or maybe I just like my fiance like this. You've always been a fighter. But now you're all mine." She leaned even closer and kissed him on the lips, tender and hot.

 _Okay, she's got a point,_ Ichigo realized as Rukia held the sides of his head. _A very good point!_

Rukia parted from him, wiping her mouth. "Now me."

"Now... you?"

Rukia lay flat on her back next to Ichigo. "What will you do, heroic wanderer?"

"Maybe a little of this." Ichigo sat up and knelt down to kiss her, and he totally felt Rukia leaning into it. He was acutely aware of Rukia's nude form, and all of its curves and smooth skin... before he knew it, he gently cupped a hand on Rukia's right breast, kneading the flesh in his fingers.

"You naughty boy!" Rukia panted.

"You were leading me on," Ichigo said. "Don't pretend like you weren't." He rolled Rukia's nipple between his thumb and forefinger, testing its rubbery skin. He definitely felt his sword stay at attention.

"More," Rukia said, still panting. "I'm all yours."

"Oh yeah?" Ichigo ran his hands down Rukia's bare chest, his hands now on her side haunches. His hands moved on to the wide curve of her hips, savoring the feeling. His heart beat even harder.

"Too much?" Ichigo asked.

"Just right," Rukia breathed.

Ichigo ran his hands down Rukia's thighs and across her knees, then down her shins. He held one of her feet in his hand, toying with her toes. "You know, you used to kick me sometimes with these feet," he commented. "You're not gonna do that now, are you?"

"Only if you ask," Rukia said, and they both burst out laughing.

Ichigo calmed down after a moment. "So, uh... was this date as good for you as it was for me?"

"Y-yeah," Rukia panted. "I love you, you know. I feel like I should tell you that more often."

Ichigo nodded. "Right. And I love you too, Rukia. Really. I don't know what I plan to do about Karakura Town and the Soul Society, but whatever happens, you'll make it worth it."

"Ichigo, that's the first properly romantic thing you've ever said to me..."

"I had to start somewhere, right?"

It was getting pretty dark by now, so the both of them swam side-by-side to the other shore, and hunted down their clothes. Which were gone.

"Hey!" Rukia cried. "Where..." Then she picked up a hand-written note. "Rangiku...!"

Ichigo took the note. _You lovebirds won't be needing those anymore, will you? -Ran_

Ichigo sighed. "At least she left my cell phone. Let me call my dad."

Fifteen minutes later, Ichigo saw the bright headlights of Isshin's car, and as promised over the phone, Mr. Kurosaki kept his eyes closed as he opened the car door and tossed out two towels. Ichigo and Rukia covered themselves, then sat together in the back seat.

"So, got your clothes stolen?" Isshin teased as he made a U-turn to go back home. "It's happened to me a few times, too."

Ichigo ran a hand over his face. "Dad, not tonight. Please."

 _If this is a story,_ Ichigo thought, _some mean author has a wicked sense of humor!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Tale of the Two Lovers**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 7**

"Oh, so _here_ it all is," Rukia said curiously when Momo led her into Shuhei Hisagi's office in the Squad 9 barracks one morning.

Momo smiled. "I can't believe you waited until now to read all your fan mail. It really piles up, you know. See?" She motioned to the huge stack of letters by Shuhei's desk. There must have be hundreds of unopened envelopes in here!

"It's about time, Rukia," came another voice.

Rukia jumped. "Hisana?!"

Her big sister waved from her seat in the corner, a letter in hand. "I was waiting for you, Rukia. What took you so long?"

Rukia blushed. "I... was having breakfast at the Kurosaki house."

Hisana made a sly smile. "A _long_ breakfast, I'm guessing."

"Sh-shut up," Rukia muttered.

"Anyway..." Hisana made a show of opening the letter in her hands, a smile on her face. "Let's take a look, Rukia. I think your last chapter of _Tale of the Two Lovers_ really generated a huge response!"

Rukia went a shade redder as she recalled just what she had put in the last entry. The last chapter... whoa, was it a steamy-hot tale of lust and adventure and all that good stuff.

Hisana unfolded the letter. "Oh, this one's from a girl in Squad 3. 'I loved how bold the princess was in the last chapter'," Hisana read out loud. "'In fact, I think the princess has taught me a valuable life lesson: don't be afraid to make yourself happy, because life is too short! Thank you, Lieutenant Kuchiki!'"

Momo patted Rukia on the back. "See? You're changing lives out there, miss author! I'm so proud!"

Rukia rolled her eyes. "It's just some girl getting carried away." She picked up a letter and opened it. She frowned. "You've got to be kidding." She showed it to Momo: _Hi Rukia, this is Kanichi Mozi, sixth seat of Squad 7. Your story has changed my life! It's never too late to have that transformative moment and find happiness, and_ Tale of the Two Lovers _has taught me that. From now on, I'm taking control of my own life! And I'm going to ask for a promotion first thing in the morning! You're the best!_

"Just another buffoon," Rukia said with a shrug, tossing it aside.

"Now, don't be like that," Hisana said. "These are such nice letters... open another one!"

Rukia sighed. "Fine..." She pulled up a cushion, sat by the formidable pile of letters, and opened another one. She reeled from its contents: _OH MY GOSH RUKIA PLEASE WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER TODAY THE LAST ONE WAS TOO GOOD! I'M DYING! WRITE IT WRITE IT WRITE IT!_

Momo burst out laughing when she read it over Rukia's shoulder. "Some folks get carried away, don't they?"

Rukia opened another one: _Please update soon._

"What, that's it?" Momo asked. "If someone writes feedback, they should be more articulate."

"Oh, this one's not so nice," Hisana said, waving with a letter in her hand. "This girl thinks the rabbit princess is a selfish, scheming, uh..." She re-read the letter and blushed. "How about I _not_ say the rest out loud?"

"Just put it down," Rukia said, then she choked on what the next letter said: _rukia please marry me._

"Does Ichigo have a little competition?" Momo teased, until Rukia shoved the letter in her face to shut her up.

"This one is much nicer," Hisana said brightly, ten minutes into the letter-opening spree. "This girl said that your story inspired her to confess her feelings to her crush, and she has had a massive boost of self-confidence."

Rukia nodded. "Neat."

"And this guy from Squad 1 said that _Tale of the Two Lovers_ put the spice in his relationship with his girlfriend," Momo added, beaming. "Look! He even drew a picture on the back... oh my!"

"Let me see!" Rukia eagerly took the letter and saw the expertly-drawn image of the hero Kuzo with his princess Raiko in bed... _very_ detailed!

Hisana plucked the letter from Rukia's hand. "I'll take that."

Rukia yelped. "Big sister...!"

"Maybe Byakuya needs a few ideas," Hisana said, folding the letter up and stashing it in her robes.

Rukia would give anything to have a new sister at this moment.

Finally, the girls sorted the letters by type: a huge pile for praise and admiration for _Tale of the Two Lovers_ , a small pile of criticism, a short pile for fan art, and a too-large pile for nonsensical letters. Rukia stood, hands on her hips. "I think we have enough to go on, girls," she concluded.

Momo looked up from re-counting the piles. "What do you mean?"

Rukia pointed at the stack of positive letters. "This proves that my story is a good one... and I've got to make it even steamier! The people are clamoring for it!"

"Most of all me," Hisana added with a giggle. Rukia pretended not to hear that.

"Does this mean you're finally ready to confess _all_ your feelings and desires to your fiance?" Momo asked. "After all, you wrote this story to expressyour feelings about Ichigo. So please tell me yes!"

Rukia hesitated. "I... don't really know where we stand," she admitted. "Momo, it's complicated. We had a great date last week. But Ichigo _did_ have a point... he would give up a lot to come here and live with me in the Kuchiki manor. He's got a life down there in Karakura Town."

Hisana held a hand to her heart. "I'm so sorry, Rukia," she said gently. "Love's sting can often hurt."

Rukia scowled. "That's not what I said."

"Then what are you going to do?" Momo asked. "I mean... you're right, it _would_ be a burden on Ichigo to move here. I can't even imagine what he's thinking right now."

Rukia shrugged. "Well, there's plenty of time until the wedding. Byakuya is patient. So, I'll just head back to Karakura Town and try to figure things out with my fiance."

Momo cracked a wicked smile. "You mean, seduce him until he changes his mind?"

 _How'd she know?!_ Rukia blushed and hastily made her way for the door. "I think I'm late for high school. See you later!"

She stepped through a Senkaimon gate, got into her gigai (complete with her uniform), and headed for school like a responsible 18-year-old girl. Already, there were crowds of students funneling into Karakura High School's front doors as the school's bell chimed. Birds sang in the blossom trees and a light wind picked up. Just another ordinary day in the world of the living, right?

Rukia rolled her eyes. _Like I've ever had one of those!_

*o*o*o*o*

"Come on, you're really not gonna tell me?" Renji insisted as he and Ichigo left school later that afternoon, their school bags slung over their shoulders.

Ichigo made a face. "Tell you _what_?"

"What do you think, bozo? How did the rest of your date with Rukia go?" Renji grinned. "You two were great at that dance studio. Some serious chemistry was going on. Where did you go after that? What did you do?"

"Damn, Renji. You're not even trying to hide the fact that you're Byakuya's spy," Ichigo shot back. He returned Renji's teasing grin. "What, did the Kuchikis already put up the wedding decorations? Are they putting the pressure on you?"

"I'm not being pressured to do anything!" Renji cried, waving his arms. "Come on, Ichigo, I'm not some servant."

"Here, Renji, hold this," came Rukia's voice. She jogged to catch up with both boys and shoved her school bag into Renji's hands. Then she clasped Ichigo's hand in hers and smiled. "I didn't see you much at school today."

Ichigo held Rukia's warm hand tightly in his. "Well, we don't share any classes on Thursdays..."

"I know. I missed you," Rukia said simply. "Oh, and guess what else? My story in the Seireitei Bulletin is getting realy popular! I read my fan mail today. It was kind of fun."

Ichigo winced. "Watch out. Some fans can get pretty out of control. You might end up with a few stalkers out there."

Rukia snorted with amusement. "Give me a break. I can handle any jealous girls who corner me in some dark alley. Even if they all gang up on me!"

Ichigo shared a knowing glance with Renji. "That's sure as hell true."

"So..." Rukia smiled and looked up at her fiance. "What do you want to do today? Are there any good TV shows on? Or we could look for a new favorite restaurant. Any ideas, Ichigo?"

Renji nodded with approval. "Look at those sparks fly. I think you're both totally ready to tie the knot."

Ichigo made up his mind. "Okay, look," he announced. "Rukia, Renji, I don't think you both know what it would mean for me to leave Karakura Town for good."

"Oh, not _this_ again," Renji complained.

"No, really. I have an idea," Ichigo said, holding up a finger and grinning. "Rukia, can you send a Hell Butterfly to your brother-in-law and sister?"

Rukia blinked. "Well, sure I could. But what do you want to tell them?"

"I'd like to send them both an invitation..."

*o*o*o*o*

"Ichigo, you darling boy, this is a _wonderful_ idea," Hisana said fondly that evening when she and Byakuya met with Ichigo and Rukia at a trendy outdoor cafe. This cozy place was near the banks of the Karakura river, and this evening, the early moon shone on its rippling surface, all romantic and stuff. Though Ichigo remembered the hot skinny-dipping he and Rukia had indulged in... their naked bodies in that cool water, and what came next...

Ichigo cleared his throat and tried not to blush.

"Hey, it was no trouble," he said, raising his glass. "Rukia thinks I should be more spontaneous and romantic, so here we are."

"I didn't phrase it like _that_ ," Rukia muttered in his ear, "but close enough."

Although Rangiku had finally returned Ichigo's and Rukia's stolen clothes, this evening Rukia wore a knee-length black dress with matching heels, and a false-pearl necklace and a small white flower in her hair. Ichigo had the same musty old professor-like clothes from last time, and Karin had teased him that he looked like a doctor from some TV show she was watching. Well, elbow pads and bow ties could be _kind of_ cool...

Byakuya took a bite of his teriyaki beef and looked around the place. The foursome were hardly the only guests here; the umbrellas over the round tables, strings of white lights, ambiant music, and happy chatter made it a great place for a double date. It seemed totally innocent... but the Squad 6 Captain saw right through it.

"All right, Kurosaki," Byakuya said, setting down his chopsticks. "You don't have to keep up the facade with me."

Ichigo blinked. _Crud._ "What d'you mean?"

"Your date invitation was rather detailed, and involved exploring all over Karakura Town," Byakuya said simply. "Almost as though Hisana and I were tourists."

Ichigo swallowed. "Well, that's kinda true. You've hardly ever been here. I wanted to show you guys around, that's all. And have a good evening with my future family."

"He's right," Rukia added. She glanced at Ichigo, looking a bit confused. "Right...?"

Hisana smiled and patted Byakuya's shoulder. "Oh, I thinik I see where my husband's going with this. Ichigo, you want to show us how wonderful Karakura Town is, and how difficult it would be to leave all this when you marry into the family."

An awkward silence fell.

Ichigo hung his head. "I should've known I can't trick the Kuchikis."

"You are certainly right about that," Byakuya said, resuming eating. "but do not worry. It's fair that you want to have one last good evening in your hometown before moving to the Kuchiki manor. And I am grateful that you shared this with my wife and I."

"But..." Ichigo's voice trailed off. No way! Both Byakuya and Hisana realized Ichigo's reluctance to leave Karakura Town in intimate detail... and they didn't change their minds one bit. They were "full steam ahead" for bringing Ichigo into the family and leaving this place for good.

Rukia took another sip of tea. "Come on, guys, this doesn't have to be awkward. Karakura Town's a fun place, you know. Let's forget about any schemes or uncomfortable feelings and have a good time."

Ichigo stole a sideways glance at his fiancee. _What's her game?_

Hisana smiled. "Yes. Let's do that."

Ichigo was pretty sure that his plan was ruined, but he soon forgot that when Rukia took charge. First stop was a charming little ice cream place, where Hisana discovered the joys of Rocky Road while Byakuya insisted that fresh, authentic fruit be provided for his ice cream until Rukia explained otherwise. Strawberry sherbet just barely satisfied his palate, though he appreciated Hisana sharing her Rocky Road.

Then, Rukia sniffed out a local indie band, an almost hipster-like group who played "the music of our times, the soul of today", on a weird variety of instruments that somehow came together. Rukia and Hisana clapped and cheered with the small crowd at the outdoor venue, while Byakuya politely asked Ichigo whether "humans are this typically bizarre". Ichigo could only shrug.

"Byakuya, honey, aren't you having any fun?" Hisana teased her husband an hour later as the group tried out a local dance club down the river.

"I believe the human world is a bit too noisy for me!" Byakuya cried over the noise. "Humans make such a ruckus!"

"I know, but look at them go!" Hisana said with a smile, pointing at Ichigo and Rukia's dance routine nearby. "They've having such a great time. I can't imagine then spending a second apart."

Byakuya nodded. "Yes, I agree. We have certainly arranged the perfect match for your little sister."

Hisana held Byakuya's shoulder and smiled. "Now, shall we dance, too?"

"In a place like this?"

"You're forgetting," Hisana told him, "that we're here to have a little _fun_ with the people we love."

"I..."

"Get moving, honey."

Ichigo could hardly believe his eyes when he saw an excited Hisana trying to lead Byakuya into a couple's dance, and in a place like this! "Your sister sure likes this place better than the Captain," he commented.

"I know, right?" Rukia grinned. "She's totally nuts about _Tale of the Two Lovers_. I've never seen her like this before."

"So, now the little sister is teaching the older one a life lesson?"

"Something like that. Now kick it up a notch, lover boy, or my annoying sister will make us look bad."

"You got it."

*o*o*o*o*

Hisana insisted that the four of them spend the night at the Palace Hotel further down the street, "to see how humans do it", which was code for "I can't wait to be pampered here some more."

"Whoa, this place is a little expensive," Rukia muttered as Hisana booked two adjacent rooms.

"It's all right," Hisana told her kindly. "Byakuya and I will pay."

"Apparently," Byakuya mumbled.

Hisana patted Byakuya's shoulder. "Let's go check it out! See you in the morning, Rukia!"

Rukia, meanwhile, led Ichigo to their room, and once the door shut, she sighed wearily and removed her necklace. "Whew, I'm beat," she said, running a hand through her dark hair. "How about you?"

Ichigo sat on the corner of the bed. "Yeah, it was a good night," he said, hands in his lap. "It's getting pretty late. I'm glad we don't have class tomorrow..."

"We sure don't," Rukia agreed. She looked over at the wall. "I can hear Hisana in there. She never shuts up."

Ichigo heard the muffled voices, too. "I bet she and Byakuya will get their money's worth out of this place."

Rukia made a face. "Oh, don't be gross. That's my big sister over there."

"Sorry."

Rukia, meanwhile, walked over to the window and shut the curtains, blocking off the stunning skyline view.

"Hey, I kinda liked the view," Ichigo complained.

"Do tell." Rukia put on a cocky smile and strode confidently over to her fiance, hands on her hips. "How about I make you forget all about the view outside?"

Ichigo grinned. "Oh, is that a promise - whoa!"

He was thrown flat on his back on the wide, king-size bed as Rukia clamored over him, the alluring scent of her perfume wafting over him. Her dark bangs hung around her face.

"We've got the whole night," Rukia breathed into his ear. "Time for this... and this..." She closed her eyes and kissed one cheek, then the other, then all over his jaw and neck, her lips soft and warm on his skin.

Ichigo couldn't help a big smile. "Hey. that tickles a little."

"Just a little?" Rukia straddled her fiance and sat up, her hands gripping his dress shirt. "Will _this_ tickle?" She pried his shirt open and leaned down, running her tongue along his bare chest.

"Wh-whoa." Ichigo felt his face warm, his heart beating harder. "I feel a bit over-dressed."

"Maybe you are."

Ichigo hastily slipped out of his jacket and shirt, showing off his great physique. "Is that better?"

Rukia tossed her hair. "Don't I get a turn?"

Without a word, Ichigo sat up and planted his lips on hers, his hands reaching up to slip the petite black dress down Rukia's shoulders, showing some generous cleavage and her pink, lacy bra. Ichigo felt his interest perk up as he kept his face on Rukia's, his hands reaching around to undo the clasp on her bra. He felt the straps part, and he let the bra fall onto the bed's comforter.

"Look, I know you'll miss Karakura Town," Rukia breathed between kisses. "But you'll always have _me_. Wherever we go, we'll have a home together."

"Damn, you're smart." Ichigo let himself get lost in the moment, savoring his fiancee's soft, sweet lips as he ran his hands along her bare breasts, which were starting to grow slick from excited sweat as Rukia's chest heaved. Ichigo definitely felt himself perk up some more as he gently squeezed Rukia's breasts in his hands, toying with her nipples between his fingertips.

"You naughty boy, you..." Rukia leaned forward and had Ichigo on his back again, holding herself a few inches above him. "You like playing with your fiancee, do you?"

"Hey, I thought the hero was supposed to worship the princess," Ichigo teased her. "Or did I misread your story?"

"My story is how I show the world what I think, what I feel," Rukia told him, running a hand down Ichigo's cheek. "You've always been such a stubborn brute, Ichigo, and all clammed up. I had to try and show you how much I love you. And I'm not the only one who's cheering me on."

Ichigo chuckled, embarrassed. "It just feels funny to think that our personal life is out there for everyone to see."

"Well, I had to reach you _somehow_ ," Rukia reminded him, an amused smile on her face. "You know, this whole thing with _Tale of the Two Lovers_ has shifted my perspective on things. Life is too short to not spend it with the people you love. And that's coming from a Soul Reaper, too. You know how long we live."

"Does this mean the days of shy, awkward Rukia are over?"

"What?" Rukia blinked. "Since when was I ever shy or awkward?"

Ichigo swallowed. "Well, when we first met, I used to get teased about you and me. Some people thought I was trying to hook up with 'the new girl'. And one of the girls mentioned to me how you were getting teased about it, too."

Rukia shook her head. "Forget all that. I know what I want out of this, and I know what _you_ want." She sighed seductively and pressed her upper arms inwards, jostling her bare breasts. "You want some more of this, don't you?"

"Hell yeah."

"You'll get some, lover boy. But first..." Rukia stood and slipped out of her little black dress, standing there in just her heels and panties. "I want to make you beg for it."

"You think I'll do that, huh?"

"Oh, I'm _sure_ you will." Rukia turned around and bent over a little as she held the fabric of her lacy pink panties. "Now. Beg for it."

Ichigo sat up, his interest fully upright. He felt himself panting. "Come on, give me a little something."

Rukia wiggled her butt. "I don't think you want it badly enough..."

"Hey, just a little?"

"Maybe I shouldn't bother..." Rukia said with a false sigh, lowering her hands.

"N-no!" Ichigo jolted. He felt himself actually salivating. "Rukia, you're so damn hot. Seriously. You came all this way just to stop? When were you such a tease?"

"Mmmmmm, maybe I like teasing my fiance."

Ichigo leaned forward. "Come on, do it... I want it. I want it!"

"Well, maybe you do!" Rukia pinched the waistline of her pink panties again and started to slowly, carefully, slip them down her body. "How badly do you want me?"

"Really bad!"

"That much, huh?" Rukia kept slipping her panties along her skin, showing the top half of her round, curvy bum. She kept sliding the fabric down even more, almost all the way -

Rukia stopped. "Okay, what is _that_?"

"Huh?" Ichigo heard it, too. Someone was talking in another room, a loud and formal voice like a stage play, or reciting poetry. Then Ichigo heard it: a woman's voice reciting the steamiest, dirtiest lines from the newest chapter of _Tale of the Two Lovers_.

Hisana!

Rukia slid her panties back into place, threw on a robe, and stalked over to the door. "She has _got_ to shut up," she muttered, annoyed. "Be right back, Ichigo."

Ichigo sighed and lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. This date was totally going in a different direction than he expected... _Tale of the Two Lovers_ was having a serious effect on the Kuchiki sisters.

What was Ichigo to do?

*o*o*o*o*

 _I swear, Hisana...!_

Rukia stormed a few steps down the hall and noticed that Hisana and Byakuya's door wasn't completely shut. What, did they rush in here all horny and forget to lock the door? Even now, she could hear their voices, mostly Hisana's. It sounded like they were reeanacting a scene from her story in there.

Rukia knocked. "Hisana! Shut up already!"

No response. Rukia tried again, but still nothing.

 _Fine!_ Rukia threw open the door, just in time to find Hisana nude except for her red high heels, kneeling on the bed as she tickled Byakuya's bare chest. The Captain, by the way, had his wrists bound to one of the bed's posts with his shirt, and he somehow had a dignified look on his face despite being nude, with his interest fully perked up.

Then Byakuya turned and saw Rukia. His slate-gray eyes widened.

"Hey, what are you looking at, bad boy?" Hisana cooed, running her hands down Byakuya's well-muscled chest and toward his manhood with excited hands. "What - RUKIA!"

She turned and beheld her little sister, and a second later, clapped her hands over her breasts. At the same time, Rukia shielded her eyes with both hands.

"I-I'm sorry!" Rukia cried. "I was just gonna ask you to lower your voice! I didn't think you were actually...!"

"We were just doing a scene from the _Tale_ to spice things up," Hisana cried. "I-I didn't mean to disturb you and Ichigo!"

"I swear I didn't see anything. Good night!" Rukia backed up and shut the door securely, then retreated back into her and Ichigo's room, shutting her door even tighter.

Ichigo stared. "What happened?"

Despite what she said, Rukia had seen far too much of her sister's naked butt and Byakuya's... _that_. She shook her head, heart hammering. "I-I think you had a point. It's getting late. Let's get to sleep. Good night!" she blabbered.

Ichigo looked confused and disappointed but didn't argue.

Rukia picked up her bra from the floor, parted her robe, and put her bra back on with a mental sigh. _Welcome to the family, Ichigo._


	8. Chapter 8

**Tale of the Two Lovers**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 8**

The sound of slamming open the front door barely preceded Rukia's loud, happy voice. "ICHIGO!" she hollered. "Where are you?"

"Oh, jeez..." Ichigo muttered, clutching his head in his hands as he pored over his tough math homework at his desk. Class had barely let out today, and he had _hoped_ for a quiet afternoon for work. Apparently not.

"Ichigo!" Rukia called out again. "Are you upstairs?" As she spoke, Ichigo could hear her rapid footsteps up the stairs, then she threw open his bedroom door, an eager look on her face.

Ichigo scooted back from his desk and swiveled around his chair to face her. "Is knocking a lost art nowadays?"

As an answer, Rukia held out her palm, where a black Hell Butterfly sat on her palm. "You've been invited," she said, "to stay the weekend at the Kuchiki manor as a guest and as a future member of the family."

"Well, uh..." Ichigo faltered at the fond look on Rukia's face. He scratched his head. "I've got homework, y'know..."

"Oh, come _on_." Rukia scowled and rapped her knuckles on Ichigo's head. "Are you really gonna sulk here at home all weekend again?"

Ichigo threw up his hands to shield his head. "I said I have homework! Graduation is soon. Maybe you should hit the books, too, midget."

"Me? Study?" Rukia tossed her hair. "Please. I'm a Lieutenant, and a noblewoman, Ichigo. I know where my priorities are."

Ichigo grinned. "Apparently, that's what you said when you skipped patrol duty to buy a rabbit doll at that novelty shop yesterday. Yeah, Renji told me."

Rukia went red, stamping a foot. "Th-that doesn't count, okay? It was a one-time only sale."

"I didn't know princesses made excuses."

"Dammit, Ichigo...!" Rukia flared her nostrils in anger, then cooled off and extended her free hand, a polite look on her face. "Please, dear fiance, will you spend a lovely weekend with me at the Kuchiki manor? My brother-in-law simply insists."

Ichigo sighed and glanced over at his open math book, and the woefully long list of algebra problems he still had to do. "I find it funny that he invites me for a visit so soon after I did the same for him."

"Kuchikis always repay kindness," Rukia said proudly. "Now, let's go! I'll open up a gate on the front lawn."

"Like usual. Okay, you wore me down." Ichigo got up, slipped on his shoes, and followed his fiancee to the front door, where Yuzu intercepted them.

"Ooooooh, going on a date?" she asked eagerly.

"Better," Rukia said. "We're spending the weekend at my family's house."

Yuzu's eyes widened. "What! I had no idea... wait here!" She sped off, arms pumping.

Now Rukia was the one to scratch her head. "What was that about?"

Ichigo grinned. "Just wait for it..."

In five minutes flat, an out-of-breath Yuzu returned with a large wicker picnic basket. "Here, something to impress your folks with, Rukia," she said. "It's some of my best cooking, and I included an overnight bag for my brother. He always forgets that sort of thing."

Ichigo went pink. "H-hey, you didn't have to..."

Yuzu smiled. "Silly brother. Do you want to go another vacation without toothpaste or your contact lenses?"

Ichigo reluctantly took the basket. "I hear and obey."

"Anyway... have a good time!" Yuzu said happily, then hurried into Karin's bedroom. From here, Ichigo could hear Karin groan and say something. "I told you, Karin!" Yuzu responded loudly.

Rukia escorted Ichigo to the front lawn and opened a Senkaimon Gate. "What the heck did your sisters just say?" Rukia wondered as they stepped into the waiting gate.

Ichigo made an exasperated noise. "After the, uh... _adventure_ we had on our last date, Karin thought I'd refuse to go out again for a while, but Yuzu thought we would, and they made a bet on it."

"I'm glad our love life brings joy to so many others." Rukia made a teasing smile.

"You're telling _me_."

*o*o*o*o*

"So, how do you like your first visit to the Rukongai's first district?" Rukia asked cheerily as she led Ichigo through the bustling market, her fingers interlaced with his, her violet eyes bright.

"It, uh... it kinda reminds me of stuff from my history textbooks," Ichigo said. "Kind of like stepping back in time." He took in the rustic wooden buildings, the people in colorful robes, and ox-drawn carts, along with the scent of sizzling meat, vegetable and spice stands, and a whole lot more.

Rukia smiled. "History, huh? Funny you put it that way, because the Soul Society is gonna be your future. With me."

Ichigo made a nervous laugh. "You got me there." _You make it sound so simple and easy, Rukia._

After Rukia fed her fiance all kinds of snacks from the vendors, she led him to the classiest part of town, with scroll shops, a Kabuki theater, and outdoor cafes. "It's kind of like the Paris of the Soul Society," Rukia explained. "There's not very many Soul Reapers who even know what Paris is, but believe me, they'd make the same comparison."

"No kidding." Ichigo spotted no fewer than five attractive young couples making out on park benches, high-end bookstores, a fancy stone fountain, and kids feeding pigeons. He smiled. "Thanks for taking me out, Rukia. This place is great."

"We're just getting started," Rukia said, poking Ichigo's stomach. "There's this wonderful massage parlor down the street. The owner there, Mrs. Katomari, always gives me -"

A young woman in red and yellow robes approached her, an excited look on her face as she waved. "Excuse me... aren't you Rukia Kuchiki? Is it really you?"

"Friend of yours?" Ichigo asked his fiancee.

Rukia looked baffled. "I-I... do I know you?"

The young woman giggled. "No, but I know you! I know your face from the list of contributors in the _District One Gazette_. I can't believe I'm meeting Rukia Kuchiki! The pleasure's all mine!" She bowed deeply, then shook Rukia's free hand with both of hers.

"Okay, seriously, what the heck?" Ichigo asked, scratching his head. "Rukia, are you a celebrity around here?"

"I... oh, _that's_ why," Rukia realized. She turned to Ichigo and motioned to the young woman. "The wealthiest Rukongai districts share material from the _Seireitei Bulletin_ , so that means this is one of my readers."

"Yes! I'm Aiko Hatsumaro," the young woman said eagerly. She smiled. "I just adore your serial story, _Tale of the Two Lovers_! It's really gotten a big following around here... your last chapter took my breath away, miss Kuchiki! When the hero Kuzo and the rabbit princess stayed at that ryokan inn by the enchanted river and made passionate love and cured the landlady's illness with their magic... I read it three times in a row!"

Rukia blushed and bowed. "Thank you. I'm glad you're such a fan."

Aiko Hatsumaro wasn't alone, though. Another young lady realized what was going on, and she bowed, too. "I'm a big fan of yours!" she cried. Then she unfolded her newspaper and handed it over with trembling hands. "C-could you sign it for me? I-I'd love that!"

Rukia drew a pen from her robes with a bashful smile. "Sure I will. So -"

"Aren't you miss Rukia Kuchiki?" a young gentleman asked, arriving with his girlfriend. "We love your periodical story _Tale of the Two Lovers!_ I can't believe we finally got to meet you."

"Thank you, I -" Rukia started, until more and more readers gathered around her in a chattering crowd, all begging for her autograph or spoilers for the next story chapter.

"Hey! Is this your fiance?" one woman asked, pointing at Ichigo. "Isn't he the one who inspired Kuzo the wandering hero, the one with the black sword?"

"That's me," Ichigo said, waving. All the girls squealed with delight and demanded his autograph, too.

Rukia held up her hands. "Guys, guys! I'm flattered, but I just wanted a quiet afternoon with my fiance. Maybe I'll come back later and sign some of your stuff."

"No, stay awhile!" another young woman cried. "We love you, Rukia!" The crowd pressed in closer.

Ichigo felt his insticts flare up. _We're totally surrounded! This doesn't feel right..._

"Okay, break it up! Move along!" another young woman's voice barked. The crowd parted as Momo Hinamori shoved her way through, and the petite Lieutenant waved at the crowd. "Give her some space! This is Gotei 13 business!"

Very reluctantly, the crowds parted.

"I was looking for you," Momo told an amused Rukia. "Hard to miss you, with this huge crowd. I get the feeling you weren't ready for the publicity."

Rukia nodded bashfully. "This is my first visit here ever since I started the story."

"You might need a bodyguard at this rate," Momo said, the corners of her lips tugging upwards. "Maybe someone from Squad 11 will volunteer. Anyway, come with me. There's another Bulletin meeting today, and you're late." She gripped Rukia's upper arm and led her away.

"But what about..." Rukia pointed at Ichigo with her chin.

"He can come too," Momo said. "But hurry!"

 _One thing after another,_ Ichigo thought.

*o*o*o*o*

Ichigo hadn't even heard of the Seireitei Bulletin's editing department in District 1 of the Seireitei, but once he got there, he formed a clear opinion on it: what a circus!

Shuhei Hisagi, the ever-so-cool Lieutenant of Squad 9, tried his best to keep things professional, but all the contributors and support staff seemed determined to undermine him. Ichigo sat there in bewildered silence at the end of the meeting table, arms folded, as Rukia joined the journalistic festivities. Captains, Lieutenants, and more made up the staff, and Ichigo saw a whole new side to the Gotei 13.

"Lieutenant Madarame, how can you _not_ cover the judo tournament in the Rukongai's second district?" Shuhei cried, throwing his hands up in the air. "Isn't it manly enough for you?"

Ikakku scoffed. "Oh, c'mon. You think the art of manliness is only about hitting stuff? It's more nuanced than you think." He nodded to Tetsuzaemon Iba, who nodded back.

Shuhei scowled. "Drinking sake and criticizing the other squads with Iba and Renji doesn't count."

"There's a subtle undercurrent of thought involved," Ikakku said proudly, "aided by the finest of sake while lounging under the afternoon sun -"

Shuhei slammed his open palms on the table. "Just cover the stupid tournament!" He breathed hard through his nose and glared at Captain Kuchiki. "And as for you... this is a first. Your serial, _All About Etiquette_ , has never once been late. But you still haven't handed in a first draft for the newest issue. Why is that?"

Byakuya shrugged. "In case you have forgotten, Lieutenant Hisagi, I am very busy with arranging the engagement and marriage of my sister-in-law. Noble family affairs demand much of my time, especially now."

Shuhei motioned impatiently. "Don't tell me you don't have ten free minutes every evening to work on your newest article!"

"I will do what I can, when I can," Byakuya said plainly.

"Meaning he ain't gonna do jack squat," Ikakku muttered, and Iba chuckled while Renji looked mortified in his Captain's defense.

"Oh! But _I_ have done my work," Captain-General Kyoraku offered brightly, raising a hand. "My newest chapter of _Rose-Colored Path_ is my longest and best yet. It's sure to boost the Bulletin's readership by 300%!" Around him, everyone else groaned or snorted.

"300% is totally unrealistic, especially for a bottom-ranking column like yours," Shuhei said bluntly. "I'm sorry, Captain-General, but _Rose-Colored Path_ does almost nothing to bring in new readership."

Kyoraku beamed. "Oh, I'm confident about this new chapter. It'll revolutionize popular media for sure!"

"Don't hold your breath," Shuhei muttered.

"It's Lieutenant Kuchiki's story that will keep drawing in new readers," Hitsugaya said, arms folded, glancing at the ceiling. "I mean, she's doubled our subscriptions in the Rukongai's first district."

 _Yeah, no kidding,_ Ichigo thought.

"I know, and I'm so proud of her," Momo said fondly. "I think she'll have a new chapter ready soon, too."

Rukia shifted in her seat. "Well... when I get the inspiration."

"Which will be soon, right?" Rangiku said craftily, leaning forward in her seat. "Come on, Rukia, your boy toy is sitting right there! Get some ideas!"

Ichigo flushed as some people chuckled at him. "I can hear you, Rangiku," he said grouchily.

Rangiku smiled. "Oh look, the hero Kuzo is grumpy! Rabbit princess, why don't you go cheer him up?"

"I said not to call me that," Rukia snapped back.

"But look," Rangiku said, sliding the latest _Seireitei Bulletin_ across the table. "You drew four bunnies for your last chapter! It's your thing!"

Ichigo could see the badly-drawn cartoon rabbits and groaned.

"Okay, this is getting off-topic," Shuhei said, clapping his hands together once. "Lieutenant Kuchiki, I need your newest chapter in ten days, and -"

"No, do one now!" Rangiku insisted. "The last chapter was so steamy! You've gotta top that!"

"Hey, carrot-head, you're in on this too," Ikakku mentioned to Ichigo. "What's your take on this?"

Ichigo glanced away. "It's not _my_ story."

"Is too, bozo," Renji told him with a cunning grin. "This story is how Rukia expresses herself to you. Can't you tell she's serenading you in words? Show some enthusiasm!"

"Kind of hard to do with all these eyes one me," Ichigo complained, bitterly wishing he was at home, doing that algebra homework.

"Guys! Focus!" Shuhei cried, but no one was even pretending to listen.

"I, for one, encourage my sister-in-law to take things at her own pace, and do what's right for her," Byakuya said calmly.

"Thanks, brother," Rukia said.

Rangiku made an X with her arms. "No way! We've gotta set up those lovebirds for a steamy and R-rated evening. It's time to reawaken Rukia's muse and delight her millions of readers!"

"Hey, it's our dating life! It's private!" Ichigo snapped. "Do you have to play matchmaker all the darn time?"

"With that attitude of yours, I kinda have to," Rangiku said, making the "OK" sign with one hand. She winked. "You're welcome, lover boy."

"Nose out!" Ichigo cried.

Rangiku sat back in her chair with a sly smile. "This isn't over yet, Mr. well-endowed hero. The entire Soul Reaper Women's Association is backing you up, and we _always_ get what we want." She winked at Momo, who nodded and gave Ichigo a hungry look.

Ichigo sank lower into his chair. _Just pretend you're not here..._

It was awhile before Shuhei finally regained control of his staff.

*o*o*o*o*

"Sorry, Ichigo. Those people can be a real pack of jackals," Rukia said as she and Ichigo settled into the guest wing of the Kuchiki manor later that evening, right before dinner. "I'll try not to let it happen again."

"Much appreciated," Ichigo said, running a hand along the fabric of his futon. "Was Rangiku serious about the SWA wanting to sponsor our love life?"

Rukia made a face. "Yeah, it's all we ever talk about in meetings."

"When Rangiku's involved, who knows what'll happen?" Ichigo said with a shrug. "Momo, too. I didn't think she was so feisty."

"She didn't used to be, until I started the _Tale_ ," Rukia explained. "She loves a good story, and she's really taken a liking to you, Ichigo. She wanted to be my editor so badly. I couldn't say no to her."

"Fair enough." Then Ichigo got an idea... _Why not?_ "Hey, Rukia."

"Uh-huh?"

"Dinner's in half an hour, right?"

Rukia nodded. "Big brother will call for us when it's ready."

Ichigo smiled. "I've got a little surprise for you. I'll send someone to fetch you."

"Well, aren't you the feisty one now." Rukia smiled back and backed out of the room. "See you later..."

There wasn't much time to lose. Ichigo gathered everything he needed from across the mansion, and he ran into Hisana along the way. When he explained himself, she blushed and offered to help. Soon enough, Ichigo sent her to fetch her sister, and Ichigo lay in wait.

The guest room's door slid open. "Okay, Ichigo, what's your big surprise - oh!" Rukia stopped and gasped, a hand over her heart. "I-Ichigo...!"

"Happy to see me?" Ichigo asked in his best sexy voice. He lay nude on his side on the futon, and he ran a hand along his body, a rose clamped between his teeth. A bunch of candles surrounded him, along with a few incense burners and small bunches of flowers.

Rukia went red and her fingers twitched. "What... I wasn't expecting...!"

"Rangiku and the others think they can control our love life," Ichigo explained.  
"But it's just between you and me. I dunno if I can move here to the Soul Society, but _you_ mean everything to me, Rukia. Please... be mine." His heart raced. Please, please let Rukia say yes!  
Rukia slowly shut the door and smiled awkwardly as she smoothed her black Soul Reaper robes. "Can I take this as a confession of love?"

"Of course you can. I love you, Rukia," Ichigo told her. "We've got time. Let's just be ourselves, here and now. Care to join me?"

Rukia shrugged off her black robe, then her white under-robes, too, an eager smile on her face. "You naughty boy. I had no idea you had this in you!"

"I'm your fiance. I'm all yours." Ichigo set the rose down in front of him.

"Ichigo..." Rukia stripped down to her undies and knelt by Ichigo, taking his head in her hands as she kissed him. "You know how to make a girl feel special."

"Hisana had some advice to share."

Rukia paused. "What? You told her about this?!" Her eyes widened.

Ichigo sat up. "I-I just told her that I wanted to make an intimate gesture!" he said hastily. "I didn't specify... I mean, she might have figured out what I was planning exactly, but I didn't give her the little details."

Rukia sighed. "Like my sister needs to get more involved..."

"Hey, she just wanted what's best for us. And so do I." Ichigo tenderly ran his fingers down Rukia's cheek. "Promise."

A smile tugged at Rukia's lips. "Just between you and me?"

"Always."

Rukia leaned forward and kissed him again, holding his shoulders. "Good enough for me," she breathed. "And you're right. We've got a little time to ourselves. I think I like the spontaneous side of you. Turns a girl on."

"Damn right." Ichigo reached around and, with his lips still locked on Rukia's, unclasped her white lace bra and slowly, lovingly slipped it off her body. He eased off one cup, revealing Rukia's perky, dark nipple, and he nibbled on it.

Rukia gasped. "I-Ichigo..."

Ichigo kept nibbling, working his tongue between his teeth, getting Rukia's nipple slippery with saliva. He held Rukia's waist with one hand while he slipped off her other bra cup, letting the garment fall to the wood-paneled foor. He held her with both hands now, savoring her warm skin as he kept toying with her right breast, his lips running along her sweet skin. "I want you," he panted. "I want you so bad."

Rukia arched her head back and moaned. "Come and get some."

Ichigo eagerly lay Rukia on her back on the futon, kneeling by her as he watched her chest heave with excited breaths, Rukia's legs slowly easing apart. Ichigo ran his hand down her belly, past her belly button, and to the soft fabric of her white panties.

"You naughty boy," Rukia breathed.

"I know what I like." Ichigo toyed with the fabric, testing it with his fingers. He then moved his fingers a little further down, and he felt an excited lurch in his stomach as his fingers touched the distinct lips of Rukia's intimate area under the fabric of her panties. He smiled and rubbed his fingers back and forth along that spot, faster and faster, and Rukia groaned with delight and breathed even harder. Ichigo dipped his fingers into the space between the lips over the fabric, feeling Rukia's warm flesh staring to grow slick and damp through her panties.

"Don't stop," Rukia moaned.

Ichigo eased his fingers even deeper, Rukia's legs spreading further apart to give him more room. Her legs were fully apart, her toes curlng with excitement, her smooth thighs slick with sweat. Ichigo felt his heart racing eagerly as he kept sticking his fingers in deeper, wiggling them for extra stimulation. Just as he hoped, Rukia gasped and jerked with pleasure. "M-more!" she cried.

Ichigo dutifully kept wiggling his fingers as they went in, her panties fully damp, his fingers warm in her flesh. Almost there -

There was a knock. "Ichigo," a man's voice announced. "Dinner is served."

Ichigo gasped and withdrew his fingers, jerking his head to face the door. "O-okay!" he yelped. It was definitely Byakuya's voice out there. "B-be right out!"

"Are you all right?" Byakuya asked. "Is something the matter?"

"Uh, n-no!"

Byakuya hesitated. "A Kuchiki always takes care of a guest. Let me see." The door started to slide open -  
"Ichigo!" Rukia muttered urgently. She scooped up all her clothes and hid under the futon's thick blankets. Getting the idea, Ichigo climbed in with her, laying on his back with Rukia laying on top of him, covered by the blankets just as Byakuya slid the door open.

"Good evening," Ichigo said, trying to keep his voice even. "I'm worn out from today, so I took a quick cat nap. Th-that's all." He could feel and hear Rukia breathing under the sheets, her breasts squished against his chest, her nipples rubbery and hard against his skin.

Byakuya nodded once. "I see. Now that you're awake, I expect you to join us at the dinner table. I will fetch Rukia next; she's late."

"N-no, uh... I'm sure she'll be along," Ichigo said hastily. "I'll see you in the dining room, okay? I wouldn't worry about Rukia."

Looking vaguely suspicious, but not saying anything about it, Byakuya slowly turned and shut the sliding door behind him.

Rukia threw aside the blankets and scooped up her clothes. "Okay, that was _too_ close," she said, sighing. "Ichigo, honey... why don't we find a better time to get it on. Why do we get nothing but close calls?"

Ichigo recalled the disasters of skinny dipping and the close contact with Byakuya and Hisana at the hotel. He groaned. "Good point."

Dinner was definitely an awkward affair that evening.


	9. Chapter 9

**Tale of the Two Lovers**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 9**

The next morning, Ichigo had barely thrown on the navy-blue robes the Kuchikis had provided for him when someone knocked on his door. _What is it this time?_ he thought wearily. "Come in."

Hisana's beaming face was radiant like the sun as she slid open the door. "Good morning, mister groom! Did you sleep well?"

"I, uh... sure?" Ichigo took a nervous step back. He definitely heard something in Hisana's tone. Was she up to something? She had to be!

"Wonderful," Hisana said kindly. She folded her hands together over her navel as she smiled. "My husband was supposed to announce this at breakfast, but I couldn't wait to tell you..." She took a deep breath. "Byakuya is moving up the wedding arrangements! Your whole family is invited here to the manor for the traditional yuino ceremony!"

 _The yuino ceremony?!_ Ichigo knew the term, but he never thought he'd do one so soon! The formal exchange of gifts between the bride and groom's family... it was just like Byakuya to make some power play and assert himself. The nerve!  
Hisana's face fell. "Are you all right, Ichigo?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." Ichigo cleared his throat. "I'm stll a bit groggy, and this is such big news..." He forced a smile while his stomach did flip-flops.

Hisana's smile snapped back in place. "I know. It's like a dream, isn't it?" She put a hand over her heart. "Try and act surprised when Byakuya announces it, okay? Breakfast is almost ready. See you there..." She turned and walked off, leaving a stunned groom-to-be.

*o*o*o*o*

"Ichigo, you know I'm on official Soul Reaper business," Rukia said sternly later that morning, after the rather awkward breakfast conversation at the manor.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "You're just goofing off. We need to talk."

He craned his neck back to talk, because Rukia sat up high on a thick tree branch near the Squad 8 barracks, her notebook open on her lap. The petite girl tapped her pencil on her chin in thought, no doubt brainstorming more steamy ideas for _Tale of the Two Lovers_. Well, this wasn't time for a story! This is real life!

Ichigo waved his arms. "Hello? Earth to Rukia!"

Rukia sighed and closed her notebook. "Ichigo, I'm really looking forward to having your father and sisters at the manor for the yuino ceremony. What's our engagement without a little pomp and circumstance?" She smiled.

"Well..." Ichigo swallowed. "For one thing, my dad will get tipsy on sake and juggle everything in sight while singing off-tune songs while Karin tries to tackle him to the floor. And Hisana will make X-rated puns the whole time."

Rukia's face soured. "Yeah, it's just like her to do that."

Ichigo nodded. "Right? Maybe we should skip the whole thing. It... it's too soon, y'know."

"Ichigo... do you really not want to attend the yuino ceremony?" Rukia asked, a hurt look on her face.

Ichigo winced. _Uh-oh._ "I'm not sure... what I -"

"It means a lot to me," Rukia said. "Ichigo... you're my fiance. I love you. I've never really been the romantic type, but I can't imagine myself doing something this intimate without you. I want to take that step with you. It means a lot to our families."

Ichigo racked his brains. This wasn't going the way he planned... but Rukia had a point. "Rukia, I'd never hurt you like that."

A small smile tugged on the corners of her lips. "Of course you wouldn't."

"And I have the utmost respect for your family."

"Who doesn't?" Rukia made a haughty toss of her dark hair, clearly enjoying the moment.

Ichigo chose his next words carefully. "I feel the same way you do: I wouldn't do this with anyone else. And I _do_ love you. I just... I don't feel totally prepared for the upcoming wedding and joining the family... and leaving Karakura Town behind. This is becoming so real, so fast. I mean, an _engagement party_ already..."

Rukia hesitated for a second, then hopped down and landed right in front of Ichigo. She offered her notebook. "Open it."

Ichigo took the notebook and opened it to the last pages Rukia had written on. There, on the rice paper, she'd scribbled haphazard notes about the hero Kuzo and the princess Raiko, along with some rabbit drawings to outline some scenes. "These drawings are bad because they're just brainstorming doodles, right?" Ichigo asked.

"Hey!" Rukia kicked his shin. "I take pride in all my rabbits."

"Sorry." Ichigo read what Rukia had outlined in her notebook. In the story, the hero Kuzo had slain the wicked self-proclaimed emperor of the world and sealed him in a cave, and after a week of feasting and celebrating at the rabbit kingdom's castle, the rabbit daimyo granted the princess Raiko exactly one wish. Once she got it, none of her other wishes in the world would ever come true, because the rabbit daimyo used up all his cosmic luck powers on one manifestation of human desire. The princess thought about mountains of gold and jewels, or invincible samurai armies, fields of ripe fruit and beautiful flowers, or to make herself queen of the world. Then she watched the hero Kuzo dancing with the other party guests, and knew that real treasure couldn't be touched. With Kuzo, Raiko's world would seem perfect with him by her side, and that was all she needed.

Then there was a drawing of a rabbit-headed hero with a black sword making out with a rabbit-headed princess in a kimono, with the characters for "they totally make the sheets twisted and sweaty later that night" written above them with hearts around the text.

Ichigo looked up from the notebook. "I don't think the illustrations are helping - ouch!" His other shin suffered.

"I speak only truth, Ichigo," Rukia said, taking the notebook back. "You don't always take me seriously when I talk to you. And I can't blame you, with how I love to tease my favorite guy." She smiled and punched his shoulder.

Ichigo chuckled nervously. "Yeah, I can attest to that."

"But this..." Rukia patted the notebook. "I'm putting it out there for the whole world to see. I'd never lie. What I feel... I have to let it out. And I was hoping you'd be my number-one fan." She looked up at him with imploring eyes.

Ichigo backed up a step and waved his hands in a "no" gesture. "Hey, hey, that's unfair. Using the old puppy-eyes on me?"

"But Ichigo, don't you _want_ me?" Rukia kept up her puppy-dog look. "I mean, you sure wanted me last night, and at the hotel, and at the riverbank..." She gave him a naughty smile, her face going pink.

Ichigo felt himself flush, too. His heart raced. "I just can't keep my hands off you, can I?"

"I know. Because you _do_ want me." Rukia sighed gently and reached up to hold Ichigo's shoulders. "Come on, tell me."

"I want you," Ichigo said, looking into her eyes. "I've always wanted you, Rukia."

"Good, good." She pressed herself against his chest, her cheek against his robes. "Now, will you -"

A loud, distant "Whoo hoo!" cut her off.

Ichigo groaned. "I think my family's here."

Rukia parted from him and ran a hand through her bangs with a small smile. "We shouldn't keep them waiting."

*o*o*o*o*

"Welcome, Kurosakis," Byakuya said, wearing his best dress robes in the main meeting room. He knelt on a cushion next to his wife, who was also done up in exquisite finery. "We, the Kuchikis, are proud to welcome -"

"Yeah, and what a place! Whew! Just like I pictured it," Isshin said jovially, spreading his arms wide as he stepped into the room. He was in his spirit body today. "I think just one painting in here is worth more than the whole Kurosaki clinic!"

Irritation flickered across Byakuya's eyes. "I am glad you appreciate the finery of the manor. Now, please be seated -"

"Gotcha, buddy." Isshin carelessly settled onto a cushion at the table, and he knocked over at least four empty tea mugs in the process. Karin sat next to her father, looking sour.

"Great impression, dad," she muttered. "Now Ichigo will never get married."

"Karin! That's not nice," Yuzu retorted from Isshin's other side.

Ichigo, meanwhile, sat near his family but tried not to look at them. _Yup. About what I expected._

Byakuya cleared his throat as Rukia hid a giggle behind her hand. "Now," he said, "to celebrate the upcoming union of our families, let us exchange gifts, and may they symbolize the happy couple's future."

On cue, Hisana smiled and offered a wrapped box. Isshin took it and tore it open to reveal two dried cuttlefish. "Uh..." Isshin said, scratching his head. "These look too dry to eat. Unless I mix them in with ramen?"

Byakuya made a grimace as though restraining an angry retort inside him, while Hisana giggled. "They traditionally represent the wish for a long marriage," she explained. "Isn't it wonderful?"

Isshin handed them to Karin, who made a face at the dried sea creatures. "Gross," she muttered.

"And here, we have the hakama pants for the groom to wear, symbolizing fidelity," Byakuya said, sliding a package across the table. "May he ever be faithful in his union."

Karin clenched his fists in her lap, trembling.

"Are you all right?" Yuzu asked her.

Karin was clearly resisting the urge to laugh. "I-it's nothing, just... _pants_?"

"Of course," Byakuya said, nodding. "One of many traditional items."

"Hey, as long as they're comfy," Isshin said with a wide grin that only Hisana returned. "And I hope they fit right. I've been dreaming of having grandkids, you know..."

Ichigo fought the urge to slap a hand over his face. Why did _this_ have to be his family? Well, sometimes, he was no better...

"Oh! I've got a gift, too," Isshin added eagerly, handing over a wrapped box. "C'mon, open it!"

Looking wary, Byakuya carefully opened the box... to find a plastic tray with hundreds of blunt-ended needles sticking out of it in tiny slots. "What is this?" he asked.

Isshin chuckled. "Haven't you heard of Pinpressions? Here, this is how it works..." He pressed it to his face, and just like that, his goofy expression was immortalized by the upraised pins.

Byakuya stared blankly. "I... I see."

Hisana burst out laughing. "That's so cute! Humans have the best stuff sometimes. Can I try it?"

"I don't even want to know what you'll do with it," Rukia cut in, swiping the Pinpressions toy.

"And _this_ ," Byakuya said in slightly aggravated tones, "is konbu, or dried seaweed, representing fertility and raising a family." He slid a package of dried seaweed across the table.

Isshin grinned as he picked it up. "Okay, now _this_ we can definitely eat. Karin? Yuzu? You hungry? I can try my hand at sushi-rolling."

Byakuya muttered something under his breath, and Hisana patted his shoulder to comfort him.

"So, how about a drink to seal the deal?" Rukia asked hastily, taking the sake bottle and uncorking it. "Drinks, anyone?"

"Oooh! Oooh! Keep 'em coming!" Isshin said, raising an arm.

"We're not at a bar," Karin reminded him. "Jeez, dad..."

"Well, alcohol is the social lubricant," Isshin said, and once Rukia poured everyone's drinks, they raised their cups to the couple and drank.

Ichigo lowered his empty cup slowly, suspicious eyes on his father. "Hey, dad... you sure warmed up the engagement pretty fast. Was it because Byakuya invited you to a party at this fancy house?"

Isshin dabbed the corners of his mouth with a cloth napkin. "How could I say no?"

"But just two weeks ago, you were totally against the idea of Rukia's and my engagement," Ichigo pressed on. He suddenly wondered if he had gone too far, but it was too late now. "What changed?"

Isshin became more somber. "I haven't forgotten what it's like to have a life here in the Soul Society," he said, meeting Ichigo's eyes. "And how noble family politics work. Son, I only want what's best for you, and your happiness. Seeing you with Rukia, who's like a third daughter to me... there's no doubt in my mind."

Hisana sighed and put a hand over her heart. "That was perfect. Wasn't it, dear?"

Byakuya nodded. "Now things are progressing as I had envisioned."

Ichigo swallowed and glanced at Rukia. "I know. It's just... whoa. Things are moving so fast."

"Don't worry, son. I'll wait until you graduate high school," Isshin assured him. "Kurosakis always get the job done!"

 _Get the job done. Like get married?_ Ichigo swallowed again, his throat dry. "S-sure," he manged to say.

"I'm proud of my boy," Isshin said to the room at large, puffing out his chest. "I raised him right, you see. And now he's ready to take this big step into his future! I'll miss that boy, I tell you."

Ichigo's stomach churned at the implications.

"Yes. To the bride and groom," Byakuya announced, raising his cup. "Now, perhaps another round?"  
"I'll take you up on that!" Isshin raised his too, and Rukia dutifully poured the next round.

*o*o*o*o*

"Rukia, you've got to be _joking_!"

Momo Hinamori's eyes nearly bugged out of her head when she heard Rukia's response at the latest SWA meeting that afternoon.

Rukia shrugged. "Hey, it's no big deal, Momo."

Rangiku slid back her chair and bolted to her feet, one hand planted on her desk while pointing at Rukia. "Is too a big deal, missy! It's a time-honored tradition that no rabbit princess _or_ Kuchiki lady can go without!"

"What, a wild and raucous bachelorette party?" Rukia asked, folding her arms. "I know what a mess you girls would make of things."

"That's not fair, Rukia," Nanao Ise said, pushing her glasses up her nose. "We all know how much you're longing for Ichigo Kurosaki. This is a time to let your emotions loose."

Rukia gave her a look. "Nanao, do you even know how a bachelorette party works?"

Nanao hesitated. "Well, it's the custom party before a wedding -"

"Where the bride hires shirtless men to gyrate around her while everyone drinks and shakes their booty to hot music!" Rangiku hollered, until Momo made her sit back down and shut up.

Nanao flinched. "That sounds awful. Rukia would never do such a thing. Right?" She glanced at the Lieutenant in question.

"I..." Rukia stared at the far wall in thought. She hadn't really thought about this...

"It's her one last chance to have some fun before married life in nobility," Isane Kotetsu put in. She smiled. "Blowing off a little steam wouldn't hurt..."

Nanao stared at her in shock. "You too?!"

Isane's smile widened. "I know some gents in Squads 7 and 11 who would volunteer."

Nanao crossed her arms in an X and shook her head, blushing. "N-no! I think what Rukia needs is a perfect night of courtship with her beloved. I mean, that's what a classy girl like her would desire, right?"

Rukia put up her feet and reclined, her hands behind her head. "Yeah, that's right."

Nanao scowled. "Sit properly."

"But -"

Nanao lowered her glasses. _"Now!"_

Rukia obeyed at once.

"Back on topic," Nanao said calmly, "there is a long tradition of shunga art depicting lovers together. I happen to have a fine collection of exquisite pieces -"

"Ooooooooh!" Rangiku cried, her eyes dancing. "I know what that is! Shunga is traditional erotic art, isn't it? Isn't it!"

Nanao blushed again. "Well, certainly. It's a time-honored, esteemed art form -"

"- that's gonna get my girl some action! Whoo hoo!" Rangiku cheered. "Show us, Nanao!"

"Fine..."

So, after some _very_ awkward coaching and arguing over details both major and minor, the girls had Rukia mentally prepared, and with a plan in mind, for a hot evening with her fiance, shunga-style. "Remember," Nanao reminded her, "this is an expression of your love! What you do here tonight will live on forever in _Tale of the Two Lovers._ As you make your fictional world, you make your reality."

Rukia made a bashful smile. "Come on, you're blurring some lines here. Tonight, I won't be in a story that someone is reading. It's just me, and Ichigo."

"Yeah! And we'll make fan art of the moment!" Rangiku added, thumping Rukia on the back. "There's lots of people out there who wanna see that! You've already got such a big audience. If they were reading about this right now, they'd totally agree with me!"

Rukia rolled her neck. "Okay, I'm ready. This is going to be the best chapter yet. Wish me luck."

She left the SWA headquarters, fancied herself up in a classy robe set in the Kuchiki manor, and padded over to Ichigo's room. She put on her best coquettish voice and slowly slid open the door. "Hello there, lover boy," she cooed. "How'd you like to - huh?"

The room was empty.


	10. Chapter 10

**Tale of the Two Lovers**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Review response to Guest:** Your concerns are well-founded, and don't worry, I already thought of it, and things will start to be addressed here in this chapter.

 **Chapter 10**

Rukia double-checked with the manor's staff and security guards, and determined that the Kurosakis had already left back for the world of the living, and Ichigo had gone first. Part of her was tempted to be furious... but almost as quickly, she realized something else. Rukia swapped bodies into her gigai, put on an ordinary blue sun dress, then opened a senkaimon gate for Karakura Town. She promised Hisana that she'd be right back.

This evening, Karakura Town looked just the way Rukia had left it: a deep orange setting sun, with the first few stars shining on the opposite horizon as a cool breeze picked up. There wasn't much traffic out at this hour, except for the occasional taxi or sedan with headlights already on. Rukia made her way to the Kurosaki house and rang the doorbell.

"Rukia! Back so soon? I'm touched!" Isshin cried when he threw open the door. He enveloped his third daughter in a hug.

"Th-thanks, Isshin," Rukia squeaked in his bear-like grip. She felt herself being lifted at least a foot off the ground. "Is Ichigo home? I wanna see him."

"Oh, Ichigo?" Isshin let Rukia go and ran a hand through his hair as he looked up at the skyline. "Sorry, Rukia, but he said he needed some fresh air and headed out. Didn't say where."

Rukia felt her gut clench. "He... ran away? At a time like this?"

Getting her meaning, Isshin's expression softened and he held her petite shoulders in his hands. "I know my boy, Rukia. He didn't _run away_. No way he'd do that to us. I'll bet he meant what he said, and just needed time alone to sort things out in his mind."

"Oh. Of course." Rukia nodded; it _was_ like Ichigo to do that. "I'm sorry to bother you. I'll be on my way."

Once again, Isshin clearly got her meaning. He nodded back. "Good luck." He gently closed the door.

Squaring her shoulders, Rukia climbed up the nearest tree and leaped from its highest branch to the top of a telephone pole, the breeze flapping the hem of her sun dress. She shielded her eyes with a hand and scanned the nearby area. A dog barked in someone's back yard and a bus rumbled down the nearby 4th Street. But she didn't see a familiar head of carrot-orange hair.

So, Rukia leaped to the next telephone pole, then the next, still searching every nook and cranny. Then again... Ichigo wasn't a stray dog. Rukia narrowed her eyes. _If I were him, where would I go?_ There were a few sentimental spots around here he might visit to clear his head. Rukia checked the underpass where Ichigo had helped Chad deal with some bullies, plus the dojo where he trained as a kid, and the banks of the Karakura river. After a half hour, Rukia visited a small park near the river in northern Karakura Town, and she found her fiance sitting on a wooden bench.

Ever so quietly, Rukia approached him from the side, and Ichigo looked totally unaware. She stopped a few paces from him, hands clasped at her navel. "Nice evening to go out, isn't it?" she asked gently.

Ichigo jolted, then looked over at her with an exasperated smile. "I can't shake you, can I?"

Rukia made a crafty smile back. "Would you even want to?"

"No. Here, sit with me." Ichigo scooted over, and Rukia sat next to him, hands folded in her lap. She sat there in silence for a few minutes, watching squirrels chase each other in the trees as a passenger plane flew overhead. She could just barely hear its engines from down here.

Finally, Ichigo spoke up. "My mom used to take me here every Sunday, and I'd play make believe with sticks and rocks with my friends. Then my dad took over that duty after mom died. I'd always imagine that a stick is a samurai's sword, or a wizard's wand, or a showman's baton."

Rukia sat there, listening.

"I was just goofing off as a kid," Ichigo went on. "Later, I thought the idea was stupid, and I focused on middle school and high school. I had a responsibility. You know how high up the class rankings I am." He gave her a watery smile.

Rukia glanced down at her lap. "If you want time alone -"

"No, I don't mind," he told her quickly. "It's a public park, and there's enough room on this bench for two." Ichigo patted the bench's weather-worn wood. "Why wouldn't I want to share this with my fiancee?"

Rukia reached up and gently turned Ichigo's head in her hands so he was facing her. "If you resent me or the Kuchikis, you can just say so."

Ichigo's eyes widened. "Hey, that's not -"

"I can tell why you're here." Rukia swallowed. "You'll miss this park and its memories, and the whole town, too. You're homesick... right?"

"I wasn't gonna just say that."

"And why not? I'm your fiancee! You can talk to me."

Ichigo glanced down. "I didn't want to sound selfish. Maybe I _am_ being selfish."

Rukia lowered her hands and shook her head. "Oh, come on. You're only human. Who can blame you?"

"Probably your brother-in-law."

Rukia shivered, imagining Byakuya's face. "Yeah, he doesn't give much thought to human stuff." She scuffed her feet on the grassy ground. "I bet you feel pretty left out. No one's asked what _you_ think of all this."

"My dad did," Ichigo put in.

Rukia's smile came back. "I bet you didn't say a thing to him."

"Sure didn't." Ichigo glanced away.

Rukia hesitated, then rested a hand on Ichigo's thigh. "Well, _I_ think it counts, Ichigo. I don't want you to be miserable or feel left out. Tell me... do you want to live in the Soul Society? And live with me, and be with your Shiba relatives? Do you want the future that Byakuya and I want for us?"

"That's the million dollar question, isn't it?" Ichigo said with a nervous laugh. "Hey, did the hero Kuzo in your story face something like this?"

"Yeah, he did. The rabbit kingdom wasn't his home, and the people were different than him... but he grew to love the place. Especially since the rabbit princess gave him a lifetime supply of free bean buns and rice balls."

"Is that going to be your wedding gift to me?" Ichigo teased. "Because I _do_ get hungry."

"Dammit, Ichigo!" Rukia swatted his shoulder. "This is a chapter of our lives we haven't written yet. And this time, I need a co-author. I need to know, maybe not today, but sometime, what you really want. This is your story, too."

"Our story..." Ichigo sighed through his nose and watched the squirrels play. "It can kind of trap you, can't it, being in a story? Beginning, middle, end... and you expect everything out of the protagonist. He's out there in the spotlight, and he's gotta do something."

Rukia scooted closer and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight. "If anyone was reading this story, they'd be a big fan of yours, Ichigo. I know _I_ would be."

Ichigo kept watching the squirrels. "I don't know how to say good-bye to all this, Rukia. I don't know how I can go forward into the next chapter."

"Hey, the next chapter isn't done yet," Rukia reminded him. "Write it with me. This story shouldn't have just one author. I can only do this if you want to."

Ichigo made a small smile. "Damn... you really do love me, don't you?"

Rukia blushed. _What's his game?_ "Of course I do! Why even ask?"

"In the old days, you'd just plow on ahead with whatever you want, and drag me along," Ichigo said. "Come on, you remember those days... but now we're really equals."

Rukia hugged him tighter. "What else would we be? I love you. You're my partner."

Ichigo reached up and ran a hand through Rukia's dark hair. "Yeah. Partners. Rukia, I really do love you, and I'd do anything to make you happy. I don't want to be separate from you ever again."

"And that brings us back to the big question, doesn't it?" Rukia lay her head on Ichigo's broad shoulder.

Ichigo was silent again for a moment, and Rukia stayed where she was, feeling him breathing, wondering what could possibly be going on in that mind of his. She'd wait as long as he had to, even if the sun went down and the moon rose high in the sky.

Finally, Ichigo cleared his throat. "I'm going back."

Rukia hastily sat up, letting Ichigo go and setting her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry?"

Ichigo turned to face her, a confident grin spreading across his face. "You know what... maybe I just need to keep testing the waters. The Soul Society ain't so bad. It could grow on me."

Rukia hesitated. "Ichigo, you don't have to do this just for my or my brother-in-law's sake. It should be something _you_ want to do."

"And it is." Ichigo took both of Rukia's hands in his, eyes fixed on hers. "I'm not the type to wimp out. I got a little overwhelmed with all this wedding stuff, and yeah, I'm still not sure what I'll do in the end... but whatever I end up doing, I want to figure it out with you. And with your family."

"Hey, they'll soon be _your_ family too, remember?" Rukia said, returning Ichigo's smile.

Ichigo blinked. "Oh, yeah. That's the whole point of all this, isn't it?"

"Well, I happen to like your plan." Rukia leaned forward, closed her eyes, and planted her lips on Ichigo's, savoring the warm taste. "Now, are we spending the night here, or back at the manor?"

Ichigo glanced over his shoulder in the direction of his house. "Hmmmm... how about here. I think your favorite show is on. Then we can get an early start on our engagement tomorrow morning at the Kuchiki manor." He stood, still holding Rukia's right hand in his. "Care to join me?"

Rukia's smile widened. "Duh!" She got up too.

They didn't say another word about the engagement. Instead, Ichigo picked up dinner on the walk back home, pointed out a new ice cream parlor for future reference, and then they watched Rukia's favorite and silliest game show on TV, snuggled under a blanket in the dim living room. The house was quiet, and Ichigo was thankful for that. Just one quiet evening was all he wanted.

It was pretty late by the time Ichigo and Rukia finally went to bed.

*o*o*o*o*

"Ichigo, are you sure you don't want to stick around?" Hisana asked the next morning after breakfast at the Kuchiki manor. She put on her best-puppy eyes look, justl like Rukia. "We could play Go in the garden. I'm pretty good, you know."

Ichigo bowed his head. "Thank you, but Rukia invited me to visit the Rukongai's first district to show me around some more. Maybe we could play this evening."

Hisana made a small, polite smile. "Oh, of course. Well, have a good time! You know, the first district is pretty big. Are you excited to see it all?"

"Yeah. She mentioned taking me to the Aizari Kanban quarter," Ichigo said casually, shrugging. "I dunno what that even is."

Hisana burst out giggling, a hand over her mouth. "Oh, that naughty sister of mine..."

Ichigo narrowed his eyes. "Okay, what are you all plotting?"

Hisana waved a hand. "Oh, nothing... it's just that the Aizari Kanban quarter is sometimes called 'lovers' lane'. They've got everything there... bed and breakfasts, adult bookstores, novelty shops, matchmaker services, and _lots_ of places to make out."

Ichigo felt his face go hot and he fought to keep looking cool. "Yeah, well, the human world has stuff like that."

"Oh, sure it does." Hisana giggled again. "Have a nice trip!"

Rolling his eyes, Ichigo wandered off and met Rukia at the manor's front gates. She even had a horse-drawn carriage waiting for them!  
"Throwing around your money? That's not like you, Rukia," Ichigo said. He noted Rukia's elegant pink and white robes today, and the trendy flower-shaped hairpiece she wore.

"Hey, what's life without a little indulgence?" She patted his shoulder and smiled. "Let's just have a good time."

Ichigo grinned. "Okay, let's do this." He climbed into the carriage and helped Rukia up, and they were on their way... right to what Hisana was talking about.

Lovers' lane!

"I hardly ever go here," Rukia said happily as the both of them strolled down the busy streets together, her hand clasped in Ichigo's. "Look at all this stuff! I could spend all day here."

"No kidding," Ichigo said with a nervous chuckle. It seemed like half the people here were holding hands with someone, or visiting matchmaker ships in small groups, or totally making out on park benches. And Ichigo nearly bruised his forehead when he walked into the sturdy sign for an adult bookstore.

"Watch where you're going, buster," Rukia said, clearly amused. "Or were you distracted with what's in that store?"

Ichigo took one look and backed away hastily. "I-I wasn't looking!" He felt himself go red, his heart hammering. What in the world?!

Rukia smiled and went into the shop, unrolling an ornate scroll of a nude woman who was... well... doing a certain something with herself! "Why? This doesn't capture your interest?"

Ichigo covered his face with his hands. "I wasn't looking! I swear!"

Rukia giggled. "Relax, Ichigo. Oh, hey, this could be your thing... look at this..."

Very reluctantly, Ichigo lowered his hands, then beheld the sex manual Rukia was holding. "H-hey!"

"This is a popular one," Rukia said in teasing tones, motioning with the book. "See? _The Timeless Art of Lovemaking_. It's got everything we need in here, see?" She flipped through the book and showed him the diagrams and paragraphs in there. All four bases, and everything in between, was in there! Plus some stuff Ichigo had never even heard of!

Ichigo sputtered. "I-is this your an idea of a come-on, Rukia? I thought this was just an innocent little day-trip..."

"Hey, I know what I want out of my man," Rukia said cheerily, stroking the book's cover. "What's the use of having a stallion with me if I don't play with him a little?"

"You're sure in a good mood today..."

Rukia's eyes glinted as she beamed. "Why do you think that is?"

"Oh... I can think of a few reasons." Ichigo glanced away, trying to look nonchalant and aloof, and clearly failing. Rukia stepped closer to him and ran a hand down his cheek.

"What's the matter? Don't you want me?"

Ichigo flinched but kept looking away. "Y-yeah, sure I do."

"Don't you wanna show it, lover boy?"

"We're in them middle of public!"

"Not _here_ , silly. Why don't I buy this and we can have a little fun this evening?" Rukia got out her money pouch.

Ichigo blushed and turned his head back to face her. "Seriously, Soul Society girls have no limits, do they?"

"Hey, we just wanna have a good time." Rukia winked and hurried to buy her book. Just as she came back, her eyes widened as she beheld someone approaching from behind Ichigo. "Hey! A little privacy, please?"

Ichigo whirled around and groaned when he saw Momo and Rangiku join them. "Hey there," Rangiku said, waving. "Fancy seeing you both here."

"You were looking for us, weren't you?" Ichigo accused.

"Oh, maybe," Momo said with a sly smile. "Hey, Rukia... I've got an idea. Join us at headquarters, and we'll round up the other girls. It's time to launch the operation."

Ichigo backed up a step. "Okay, what are you planning this time? I swear..."

Momo's smile widened. "Why don't you come with us and find out, Ichigo?"

Both girls turned and flash-stepped away.

Ichigo turned to his fiancee, pointing in the direction where Momo and Rangiku had fled. "What was _that_ all about?"

Rukia snorted with amusement. "You'll hardly believe it, Ichigo..."

"Believe what?"

Rukia was clearly fighting the urge to laugh. "I know what they're up to. And it's time to start rehearsing."

Ichigo stomped a foot. "Rehearse _what_?"

"The Soul Society Women's Association is proud to present..." Rukia spread her arms wide. "...the live theatrical version of _Tale of the Two Lovers_!"

Ichigo mentally groaned. Why couldn't this story be over already?!

*o*o*o*o*

 **A/N:** I would like to announce that I have officially adopted the story _**Marriage for a Million**_ from **missyromanticme15** 'saccount, and I will soon post chapters for it in a new upcoming story: _**Marriage for a Million: Love is Eternal**_.


	11. Chapter 11

**Tale of the Two Lovers**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 11**

Ichigo spent the next few days with only half his mind on what he was doing. He was back in the human world, almost being the sort of serious, college-bound senior that anyone would expect of him. Chad, Uryu, Orihime, and even Keigo were right there with him, preparing for whatever future lay ahead... whatever the next chapter of their lives would be. Was it that simple for Ichigo, though?

Well, um...

Not when there was his future with a petite Soul Reaper to think about.

"Cat got your tongue, Ichigo? And I don't mean Yoruichi," Renji told Ichigo one day after school, as graduation loomed ever closer over their heads. He walked with Ichigo down the sidewalk and elbowed his orange-haired friend.

Ichigo grunted. "Dude."

"I mean," Renji went on with a false sigh, "your wedding is coming up soon, and marrying into the Kuchiki family... man, that's big. This isn't something to do with your mind on your dinner."

Ichigo grunted. " _Dude."_

Renji waved his arms around. "Here you are, scowling and shuffling around like a zombie, and you've got all these responsibilities! Let your friends be there for you. You ain't alone."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. _"Dude!"_

Renji flinched. "What?"

"Don't you think I have a lot on my plate already?" Ichigo asked. "You know me better than this; I just need more time to process it all. This is how I do things."

"Oh yeah, the old Kurosaki sulk," Renji teased him as they stopped at a crosswalk's red light. "Your best move."

"It sure comes in handy, let me tell you." Ichigo checked his smartphone for any updates. None for now. He sighed, and unlike Renji, did it for real. "I'm not gonna run away from my duties again. But it's not something to rush into, either. Rukia's story is a good one... but real life doesn't always have the ending planned out. I mean, is there some omnipotent god or author over our heads, plotting out the last chapters of my life?" He pointed upwards.

Renji looked up, shielding his eyes from the sun. "I don't see anything. Besides, bro, even if there _was_ such a god-author, there's nothin' we could do about it anyway."

Ichigo grinned. "You're such a defeatist, Renji."

Renji squawked as the boys both crossed the sidewalk. "Am not! Have I ever been anything but brave and bold? I'm the real hero of this story! I'm my own man."

Ichigo laughed gently, savoring a breeze that picked up. A taxi motored past. "Good point. Similarly, I'd think I'd know it if there was some author writing this story. _No one_ would be devilish enough to put me through the wringer like this."

Renji grunted. "Fine, so we established that we have free will. Yippee. Now what are you gonna do about Rukia? Your _fiancee_?"

"She and I are... working on that," Ichigo said evasively as the boys got closer to the Kurosaki clinic. The trees rustled in the breeze as the sun started to set. "We had a good heart-to-heart after the yuino ceremony, and she decided to not play along with Byakuya's machinations anymore. She won't force me to do anything I don't want to, even if that means standing up to Byakuya."

Renji nearly gagged. "Bro! That's my Captain you're talking about! You think you're okay with telling his junior officer about that?"

Ichigo chuckled. "You want my and Rukia's happiness, don't you?"

"Mostly hers. But yeah, a bit for you, too."

Ichigo clapped a hand on Renji's shoulder. "There you have it. Dilemma solved."

Renji dipped his head. "Rhetoric was never my thing."

"Yeah, you're not exactly in Shikai mode here." Ichigo stepped onto his front porch and unlocked the front door. "Oh, I heard that the Soul Reaper Women's Association is putting on a stage play for _Tale of the Two Lovers_ , since the story is now complete and Rukia wants to make her 'ultimate expression of longing and desire'. Care to see it? I bet you'll get a discount ticket."

Renji's face soured. "What?! I don't even read that dumb story! How would they even act out the part where Kuzo slays the skull demon at the fairy river and gets laid in that mill house? Oops." He realized his mistake far too late.

Ichigo's grin widened. "See you at the premiere, Mr. fan boy."

Renji groaned. "I need to go lie down..."

*o*o*o*o*

Hosted in Squad 5's barracks, the world premiere of the theatrical play _Tale of the Two Lovers_ drew in a big crowd... a crowd of chattering, giggling, excited girls and a handful of boyfriends who reluctantly came along. It was evening, and Ichigo dutifully showed up on his own, reflecting how he could totally spend this time studying, or watching TV with Rukia, or taking a cooking class... but damn, he ought to do at least this much for Rukia and Momo, right?

"There you are," Renji said, joining Ichigo in the crowd. "A small part of me thought you'd flake out."

"I'm better than that," Ichigo shot back. Then he grinned. "I mean, this can't be _that_ bad, right?"

"Look! It's him!" a girl from Squad 3 cried, pointing at Ichigo. At once, she and her five girlfriends surrounded him, drawing even more attention.

"Yeah, it's me," Ichigo said casually. "I'm just here for my fiancee."

"Oooooh! Are you excited for the dirty scenes?" a girl nagged him. "Are you? I mean, it won't be awkward, will it, how the hero Kuzo is based on you..."

"I'm not him," Ichigo said, annoyed. "I'm just here for the play, then -"

"Sit with us!" the Squad 3 girl cheered, taking Ichigo's hand and tugging on it. "Come on! It'll be fun!"

"Let him go," a girl's irritated voice said. Momo Hinamori cut her way through the crowd, already wearing a beret and holding a megaphone in one hand.

The Squad 3 girl made a face. "You can't make me, Hinamori!"

"Move it!" Momo barked into her megaphone, and the girls scampered away.

"I think you ought to be in the VIP seating area," Momo said, escorting Ichigo and Renji along. "More privacy that way."

"Whew. Thanks, Momo," Ichigo said. "So, is the play about to start?"

Momo smiled. "Yeah. I can't wait! You're going to love it! Okay, here's your seats..." She made sure that Ichigo and Renji were comfy in their seats, then hurried off.

Ichigo sat back and tapped his fingers on his thighs. "So, I wonder who's gonna play Rukia and me?"

"Some low-ranking officers, probably," Renji said. "Rukia was Momo's second-in-command for this whole project. She'd be really picky about who -"

The lights dimmed, and a spotlight came on, shining on a lone figure on the stage. A petite someone who wore colorful robes and false rabbit ears.

"O welcome, welcome, dear guests, to the honeyed land of the rabbit kingdom, great and fair!" Rukia said in a half-sing-song voice, waving her arms around. "O fabled land of wonder and autumn harvest! I am Raiko, rabbit princess!"

Ichigo did a double take. "Wh-what? Rukia is playing _herself_?"

Renji stared. "She didn't tell me about this!"

Rukia made a whole song out of it, including non-seated Soul Reapers playing dancing trees and flowers in the background, and Ichigo slapped a hand over his face. If he knew what he was in for...!

"Behold! I come from faraway lands, a wild spirit of a man, with will of steel and a body most sensual!" cried some guy, who swaggered onto the scene from stage right. He had dyed his hair a strange shade of orange, and wore blue robes and carried a wooden sword painted black. "I am Kuzo, eternal wanderer! I see many lands near and far, but alas..." He held a hand to his heart. "I have no maiden with which to share my bed, and my sheets are ever so cold."

The girls in the audience sighed and groaned in sympathy.

Ichigo squinted. "Who _is_ that?"

Renji chuckled. "Some joker from Squad 8. I should've known it would be him. This should be good..."

The minutes dragged by as Kuzo, Raiko, and the rabbit daimyo did some weird song together (complete with fireworks and background dancers), and things got really awkward when a fox monster attacked (Kenpachi in a cheap suit) and Kuzo defeated it.

"Rest easy, good countrymen, for the beast is slain!" Kuzo announced as stage hands tossed red ribbons onto the fox to represent bleeding. He ran a hand along his wooden sword. "It seems that my great shaft of wood prevailed once again, and I am sure to find a fair maiden now!"

The girls giggled and Ichigo slapped a hand to his face again. This was starting to hurt.

"Such a magnificent expression of your heroism and manhood," Raiko/Rukia said with delight, also running her hands along the sword. "Why, it sets a maiden's heart a-flutter, and it seems that forever under the moon have I awaited such a stallion to gallop my way!"

"I have read all the great romances of foreign lands," Kuzo added. "And they have taught me the way to a maiden's heart! The Basket of Fruits, The Knightly Vampire, The Moon Sailors, and many more! Shall I show you?"

"What joys you shall bring me! Join me, studly Kuzo, and make your words into hot passion between the sheets." Raiko led Kuzo to a bed, and the stage hands tossed up pink sheets to cover what they were doing. When the sheets fell, Ichigo realized that Rukia had substituted herself for a stunt double, and the new girl and Kuzo were totally making out and making... certain amorous motions in certain positions, and boy did that bed creak! The audience went wild and begged for more.

The play managed to get even wilder, especially when the self-proclaimed emperor of the world took the rabbit princess hostage and stripped her to her undies, suspending her from her wrists on ropes. He tickled her with a feather all over, even her feet. "No one reigns at the top, alas," the emperor said as he tickled the princess's cleavage. "The throne is ever so empty... as is my bedchamber! Rabbit princess, will you be mine?"

As an answer, Raiko the princess broke free and kicked the emperor away. The emperor fell flat on his back, and the hero Kuzo stepped on him and pointed his sword at the emperor's face. "You have fallen this day!" Kuzo declared. "For all time, until the stars themselves burn out, you shall languish in a cave, surrounded by nought but the bats! And I hear they make bad puns all day long!"

Stage hands dragged the emperor away as Kuzo threw off his robes and made out with the princess on the emperor's chair. And from there, the two lovers cured an old woman's blindless with a magic kiss, and they convinced a half-panther, half-man to renounce his evil ways and open a pastry shop, and a mercenary archer with glasses was set up with a peasant girl who could weave fabric into silver. And the whole time, there was way too much out-of-place nudity and X-rated puns and adventures between the sheets. Ichigo was dying for it to be over... until he was taken by surprise in the last scene of Act V.

"Behold, beloved princess, for I have seen our future," Kuzo announced, looking up as he swept an arm dramatically.

"Oh, and what have you seen?" Raiko asked.

"I have found..." Kuzo lowered his head and held a fist to his heart. "A great, blank canvas upon which to write our future! For our foes are vanquished, and our amorous ways ever so hot... and now, dearest, will you write the next chapter with me?"

The girls in the audience sighed with delight as Raiko kissed his cheek. "Wherever you venture, so shall I, by your side," she said. "For what is the future but a great adventure to create together?"

"Lo! For we have found our way!" Kuzo cried. "And our path... is what we carve together, day by day, moon by moon, kiss by kiss! Alas! The world's greatest and humblest wisdom is now ours. And now... let us face it together."

On stage left, Momo played a single note on a large drum, and Kuzo and Raiko did a stage bow. The audience burst out clapping, and Ichigo was surprised to find himself clapping, too.

"That was... totally terrible," Renji said later as he and Ichigo left the VIP seating area.

Ichigo shrugged. "Oh, I dunno... the last part was kinda good."

"Whatever you say, man..."

*o*o*o*o*

It wasn't until the next morning when Ichigo saw Rukia again, when she sent him a Hell Butterfly, inviting him to the Kuchiki manor. He arrived to find the Kuchiki family assembled in the tea room.

"Please, sit," Byakuya told him, and Ichigo carefully sat.

"I got here as soon as I could," Ichigo said, his hands curled into nervous fists on his lap.

Byakuya nodded. "I'm sure. But you can relax, Ichigo. I think you'll be relieved to hear what we have to say next."

"Right." Ichigo opened his hands and glanced back and forth between Byakuya and Hisana. Byakuya, as ever, was tough to read... but Hisana radiated warmth. That was a start!

"Ichigo," Byakuya said simply, "as per your and Rukia's wishes, your marriage is being postponed."

Ichigo stared. "Wh-what? Huh?"

"Please, have some decorum," Byakuya said. "You have noble heritage, after all, through your father. Speaking of which, Isshin Kurosaki also contributed to this decision. Ichigo, you and Rukia are hereby free to determine the timetable of your wedding, and arrange it however you wish. And whatever you may do in the meantime is also at your discretion."

Hisana smiled. "Rukia made a pretty good case in your defense," Hisana said. "I've never seen her more passsionately argue. And there's this, too..." She set down the latest Seireitei Bulletin, and opened it to _Tale of the Two Lovers_ ' last chapter. She ran her finger down the text. "I think it's pretty clear what this means."

Ichigo scanned the text, too. Between all the X-rated puns and wannabe Shakespeare material was a clear message, and Ichigo looked over at Rukia. "Rukia, I..."

"Thank me later," Rukia said, grinning widely. "And maybe I'll thank you, too, after you show me a little human adventure."

"A little _what_?"

"You still have your high school graduation ahead of you, right?" Rukia told him. "And after that... well, the world of the living is _your_ land of origin, Ichigo. Why not share a little more of it with me? I'd love to see it. Just you and me."

Byakuya nodded. "I have determined that this is what's best for both of you. Take your time, map out your future together... and decide what is best to do next. I will patiently wait for you both until then."

"You'd better write!" Hisana added. "I've heard that human postcards are really cute."

Ichigo snapped himself out of his stunned daze. "You're both for real?"

"I would never lie," Byakuya said.

Ichigo shared a look with Rukia and shared her grin. "Okay. All I can say is... thank you."

In no time at all, it seemed, Ichigo had his diploma in hand and was saying good-bye to Karakura High School, and while Keigo and Chizuru chattered excitedly about their hedonistic summer plans, Ichigo collected his saved money, got out a map, and he and Rukia booked all kinds of train rides and airplane flights. By mid-June, they were ready for another adventure.

Ichigo checked his watch after hours in the Tokyo International Airport. "Oh crud, we're gonna be late! Our flight's about to take off!"

"Hurry, you big lug!" Rukia said as she raced ahead of Ichigo, her sun dress's hem flapping as she went. "You're falling behind!"

Ichigo grunted. "Your carry-on is lighter than mine!" He jogged to catch up.

They managed to squeeze themselves through the crowded plane and into their seats, and Rukia tossed her hair. "I don't see why people complain about air travel," she said loftily. "It's fun if you do it like a badass."

Ichigo grinned. "Wait until you're stuck on a 12-hour flight near a crying baby and coughing people."

"Oh, I think I'll manage." Rukia opened up a brochure. "Whoa... this is really where we're going?"

Ichigo scowled. "What's wrong with it?"

"Oh, nothing..."

"So, this is the end of _Tale of the Two Lovers_ , then?" Ichigo asked as the pilot asked everyone to fasten their seatbelts. "You've said everything you wanted to say?"

"I sure did," Rukia said. "Was it convincing?"

Ichigo leaned over and kissed her. "I sure thought so. I loved it."

Rukia smiled. "That's all I ever wanted."

 **THE END!**


End file.
